Democratic Presidential Candidates

I have been watching the various Democratic hopefuls position themselves. While this is going on I am sure everyone has been wanting my analysis of these folks.

John Edwards: Top Picture, has actually declared he is running. I watched him on HardBall the other day where he discussed his views on several issues. He sat on the Senate Armed Services and Intelligence Committees and had first hand info to a lot of the information before the Iraq war started.

Strength: John Edwards voted for the Iraq war but he actually makes no excuses and says it
was a bad decision on his part; I admire that. Educated and successful he made his own way in the world albeit as an ambulance chaser. Possibly the prettiest candidate running.


Weakness: His voting record is inconsistent, and he seems to vote party line or popular opinion. His current platform is that GWB sucks, lame.

Bottom Line: I view him as a salesman with little to offer as top Dawg. UPDATE, Mr. Edwards has declared his platform of greatest concern to be Universal health care over balancing the budget. I watched a debate with a liberal, conservative, and an independent and the liberal actually said "People will gladly pay more taxes if they know everyone will receive good health care." Of course everyone else in the room laughed him off the stage. It would be nice if people cared that much, but no one wants higher taxes.

Barack Obama: Bottom Left picture, still debating his run. Senator Obama is by far the largest anomaly on the board.

Strength: Rockstar appeal much needed by his party. He is young and idealistic and not yet immersed in his party's politics. Very young.

Weakness: Very young, no relevant experience in global politics. No experience at all to speak of, he has been a Senator for only two years. I don't know why he is so popular.

Bottom Line: I feel he is popular because he is young and black and these are not reasons anyone should be President. This guy or Joel Osteen may actually be the AntiChrist. UPDATE: Senator Obama has apparently admitted to being a crackhead in his teen years, stay tuned to see ho wplaying the honesty card works our for him.

Hillary Clinton: Bottom Left, still debating her run(yeah right.) Most popular, currently, for the extreme left-wingers.

Strength: Has lived in the White House and knows where all the bathrooms are.

Weakness: Everything. This woman is completely unqualified for the job. I fear Presidential PMS too, I have known a lot of women in my life and it has always played a major part in their lives, rarely is it a positive influence.

Bottom Line: She wouldn't even be considered if her husband hadn't been President. That should be enough right there to SCARE THE CRAP out of people.

John McCain will be the next President based on the current crew.

Christmas Funny

For My Democratic Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere . And without regard to the race, creed , color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher."

For My Republican Friends:



Merry Christmas , God bless and a Happy New Year

Merry Christmas!

I wish everyone a happy and blessed Christmas season.

If, for some reason, that offends you please find something else to worry about.

Evolution vs Creation

I received this link in an e-mail today. It's a pretty good read if you are curious to hear both sides of "the story."

Rosie vs "The Donald"

Wow, these two are ridiculous! I do have to say that Rosie certainly started it and asked for anything that comes her way now. The View has become the worst show ever with the ladies now only capable of slander and rude commentary against people who do not share their ideals. They have now taken over, from Oprah, as the show I dislike the most. I certainly wish they would use their influence and position to better the world instead of just talking bad about anyone who isn't a raging liberal. to be fair let's sort what was said:

"Left the first wife, had an affair, left the second wife, had an affair. Had kids both times, but he's the moral compass for 20-year-olds in America," O'Donnell said on Wednesday's View. "Donald, sit and spin, my friend."

She went on to discuss the Apprentice star's personal finances, claiming he went bankrupt—an assertion that he denies, as he has never personally filed for bankruptcy.

To clear it up you have affairs BEFORE you leave your wife, otherwise it is just called dating. Not that it's OK to have an affair, but I don't know that he did. Secondly plenty of families in America have "mixed" families by different sets of parents. A lesbian should be the last person complaining about this. Rosie needs a lesson from her accountants on how bankruptcy actually works for the wealthy and their corporations it doesn't mean they have no money and is often used to shelter assets from seizure. Lastly, her biggest mistake was the last sentence in the first paragraph. A personal attack and completely uncalled for. At that point I felt like anything Donald wanted to say was fine. Here are some of his statements:

"You can't make false statements," Trump said, per his publicist. "Rosie will rue the words she said. I'll most likely sue her for making those false statements—and it'll be fun. Rosie's a loser. A real loser. I look forward to taking lots of money from my nice fat little Rosie."

"Rosie O'Donnell is disgusting, both inside and out," he said. "You take a look at her, she's a slob. She talks like a truck driver."

"I loved it, I gloat over it, I think it's wonderful because I like to see bad people fail," he said. "Rosie failed, I'm happy about it."

"I believe Barbara made a terrible mistake putting her on, and I think Barbara's probably paying a big price," he said. "If I were running The View, I'd fire Rosie. I mean, I'd look her right in that fat ugly face of hers, I'd say, 'Rosie, you're fired.' "

Everything he said is true, but very mean. They should both can it, Trump before he's more hated and Rosie before he ruins her financially.

The View (stupid)

Joy Behar (pictured) has made a desperate attempt to appear as stupid as her co-host Rosie O'Donnell. You can read this article to see her liken Donald Rumsfeld to Adolf Hitler. Additionally, she goes on to say “I know what this, that party is capable of.” I am not defending Mr. Rumsfeld at all, nor am I defending the Republican party. I really just don't understand the point of view she expressed. This woman has two degrees, B.A. Sociology and M.A English Education, and is quite apparently a mean spirited moron. Certainly people are entitled to disagree but to compare someone to a genocidal madman is really uncalled for. It's also poor to assume that either party, democrat or republican, is wholly good or wholly evil.

Some people cannot see the forest for the trees so to speak.

Odd News

This article is something I cannot understand. The "dude" pictured above has been competing as a woman. I am cool with the fact you can't just look at some people and immediately tell if it's a chick or a dude, people can't help that. What bugs me is that no one in any locker room ever saw the "dude gear" when "she" was dressing or showering or whatever. I think that not only should this athlete be stripped of the medals, he/she should also be converted to the gender they masquerade as. Punishment like that would certainly lessen this occurrence.

Pit Bulls (and the like)

Pictured above from top to bottom are a Presa Canario, American Staffordshire Terrier, and an American Pit Bull Terrier.
First, let me say I do not ascribe to the belief that these dogs are people haters or people eaters or any of the absolutely crazy theories about how violent they are. I COMPLETELY believe they are terrible pets for most folks. Most people buy a dog and want it to just "get it." With a responsible firm owner these dogs can probably be fine, but there are few responsible pet owners out there. Not many people have the time it takes to correctly train a dog, and even more people are unwilling to correct and train a pup because of the overwhelming cuteness. The type of owner needed, especially by these breeds, is the the typical trailer trash, mullet wearing loser who needs to feel tough that you normally see with these animals. The majority of people I see owning these dogs are quite obviously compensating for something by owning a scary looking "fighting dog." These dogs ARE aggressive towards other animals they don't know, and once they decide to be aggressive or defend themselves that is where the problem lies. They do not simply ward off an attack, they finish their opponent completely. The people who love these breeds often say "You are more likely to be bitten by a cocker spaniel than any of these breeds." To which the obvious answer is, it does not matter if a cocker spaniel bites you. It nips your hand and leaves which is no big deal. These dogs tear your hand off or kill whatever provoked them; albeit not as often as the cocker might nip someone.
The real question about their aggressiveness is this Why do we never read about the Labrador, Golden Retriever, Brittany, Weimaraner, or (insert hundreds of breed names here) that mauled or killed someone? Why also are people selling these dogs to people who have no business owning a pet at all?

Advice Column

The Captain has decide to offer an advice column. I want to extend this offer to all of my current readers, and will be peppering it with examples I find on my own. Too many advice columns out there try way too hard to make sure you feel "normal" when you are a total freak who should be medicated.

To get things started I found this:

DEAR ANNIE: I am a 35-year-old woman with four children, an advanced degree and no serious health problems, but I have compulsively and secretly been eating crayons for months. I don't mean chewing on a crayon here and there. I mean eating an entire 64-count box, and doing it several times a week. I can't stop, and I don't know why I'm doing this.
I am too embarrassed to tell my doctor, because I know he'll think I am crazy. The box says the crayons are non-toxic, but I'm really eating a lot of them. And this is a really dumb question, but are they fattening? Why am I doing this? Am I crazy? Please help. -- Crayon Freak
DEAR CRAYON FREAK: WE HAVE NO IDEA HOW MANY CALORIES ARE IN A 64-COUNT BOX OF CRAYONS, BUT THAT'S THE LEAST OF YOUR WORRIES.
You may have pica, a disease that involves eating non-food substances (dirt is the most common). Pica is usually caused by a nutritional deficiency, often iron or zinc, and it can sometimes occur during pregnancy. There is apparently something about the contents or texture of crayons that you crave.
While crayons are considered non-toxic, they are not intended to be eaten, especially in such large quantities.
You are not crazy, but you do need to see your doctor and ask to be tested. Don't wait until you finish the next box.

Now, the actual response should have been:

Dear Crayon Freak:
You picked an excellent name for yourself as you are, indeed, a freak. Please stop stealing your children's things and eating them, it sets a bad example beyond the sheer lunacy. Do not worry about your doctor thinking you are crazy as he/she probably already knows you are a nut. As for the fattening question, simply look in the mirror. If you are getting fat, yes they are; if you were already fat then it doesn't matter. My bet is that you were already fat, which is fine, but don't blame the crayons or sue the company that made them. Please seek help immediately from both mental and physical health professionals as this behavior is crazy.

Sincerely,

Captain Dude


For all your advice needs, e-mail:
captn.dude@gmail.com

Airline Travel part three

Here is the response from airline number 2:

Dear Captain Dude,

RE: Case Number some giant number = lots of complaints

In your recent email, you alerted us to your concerns regarding your
travel to Somewhere on December 6. On behalf of this craphole,
we sincerely regret that you were unable to board Flight POS due to late
check-in and we regret that our ticketing agent incorrectly routed you,
which resulted in several phone calls to fix your ticket. I truly
understand how frustrating this must have been for you.

On-time performance is an important factor when passengers choose an
airline, and We Jackasses dedicates a great deal of time and effort to
ensure we operate as scheduled. To avoid the risk of cancelled seat
assignments or reservations, we recommend to all passengers, traveling
with or without luggage, that they meet the following check-in
guidelines.

- Check in at the Self Service Device (SSD) no later than 30 minutes
prior to the scheduled flight departure time for flights between the 50
United States. Exceptions are:

- Departures from Atlanta, Denver, Los Angeles, Newark, Tampa, and
Washington DC (Dulles) require 45 minutes prior.
- Departures from Las Vegas require 60 minutes prior.
- Check in at the SSD no later than 60 minutes prior to scheduled flight
departure time for International flights including Montreal, Toronto,
and Vancouver.

Because over 80% of our customers check in electronically, we may only
have a limited number of agents on duty for those passengers requiring
assistance at airport check-in. We ask our customers to plan
accordingly.

Nevertheless, we understand that various reasons may prevent passengers
from meeting our check-in guidelines. When this happens we will assist
passengers with rescheduling their travel.

However, there was no excuse for our ticket agent to not route you all
the way to somewhere. While our customer service agents are
responsible for a wide spectrum of information, this data is at their
fingertips, either from a quick call to our help desk or within our
computer database. I am sorry that in this case, our agent did not take
the time to locate the correct information needed to provide appropriate
customer service for you.

This entire matter was unfortunate and I wish there was something I
could say or do to change what occurred. We continually strive to
improve our processes through recurrent training and internal coaching
of our employees. Your concerns have been shared with the Washington DC
Airport Manager so we can improve the quality of our service.

As a customer, Captain Dude, we appreciate you taking the time to write.
Thank you for giving us the opportunity to respond and hope to welcome
you onboard a future flight. Given this privilege, I am confident we
will provide the excellent service you deserve and have every right to
expect.

Sincerely,

Another useless tool!
Customer Care
Craphole Airlines

Thank you so much for nothing, I want my tv.

Airline Travel Part two

So here's the response from Airline number 1:

Dear Captain Dude,

Thank you for your e-mail describing the problem you experienced.

As a goodwill gesture, we will mail a $100.00 Transportation Credit
which may be used toward future Crappy Airline travel and some travel-related
services. Vouchers are valid for one year from the date of issue and may
not be combined. They may be redeemed at any Delta ticketing facility or
authorized travel agency; however, they are not currently redeemable
online. Please refer to the terms and conditions for additional
information.

Again, thank you for writing. Please accept our apology for the
inconvenience you experienced. We look forward to serving you under more
normal conditions.

Sincerely,

I am a complete tool!
Online Customer Support Desk

I changed the names to protect the innocent and completely stupid and bolded all text that I changed. Great they gave me $100 so I can re-experience that hell again, and I can't redeem it online; not to mention that ticket cost about $500. Pretty much they are sending me one of those things car dealers send that looks like a check but is actually less valuable than toilet paper.

I wrote them back and asked for my plasma TV.

Comic Relief 2006

Late last week I saw that Comic Relief 2006 was coming on HBO so I decided to watch and get a laugh. I was amazed that none of these people can tell jokes anymore. All they do is bash the President, and they don't just make fun of his voice or something half comical like that, they are really mean about his character. It was really awful and actually made me want to not donate to the Hurricane Katrina relief effort.
Bill Maher, looking like a circus clown in his bad make-up, rants about how stupid the President is because of Dr. David Hager's appointment on some FDA advisory committee. This man's transgressions apparently taint everyone on Capitol Hill if you believe Maher. Then comes Ray Romano, he was pretty funny and just did a nice normal comedy routine. Then Rosie O'Donnell gets up there and does THE EXACT SAME THING Maher did. She used different words but it was the same boring White House crap. By the way Rosie doesn't want to visit Arizona now because the airports are testing the full body x-ray machines and they violate her privacy. I think that really sucks since most people really want to see Rosie naked. I miss the days when comics could actually tell jokes that were funny, swearing was shock value, and they had to be creative. Now they stand up and just whine. LAME!!

Airline Travel (sucks)

The Captain had to hit the road this week and I thought I would share with you the wonders of modern airline travel.

Initially I was scheduled to fly out of TN on Monday at 0600 go through Cincinnati and end up in Washington DC at 0956 for two days. My phone rang at 0302 on Monday with an automated recording saying that my flight had been moved back one hour, and that I would arrive in DC about 40 minutes later. Great, I hopped back into bed for an extra bit of sleep. 0502 my phone rings again with a recording saying that my flight will be leaving at 0600, OH CRAP!, which is great since I live 30 mins from the airport. I scramble through the shower, get dressed and get to the airport at 0545. The ticket lady was pleasant and called the gate and I made my flight. Wow, I thought, that was ridiculous. I understand the first call, but you can't do that "never mind" or "psyche" crap after you make a decision. ANYWAY!
I spend my two days on-site in DC and prepare to fly to my second stop in Michigan. I am scheduled to leave at 0645 am Wednesday morning from DC. Guess what? My phone rings at 0400, I cannot fly out until 1100 arriving in Michigan at 1645. I called the airline and told them this was not acceptable as I was traveling on business and had appointments to keep. After about 20 minutes they got me on a 0730 on a different airline, arriving in Michigan about 1 hr later than planned. Fortunately I was packed and ready and headed to the airport taking the first metro I could to get there. I arrived at Washington National at about 0645 and went to the main concourse, unable to find the airline I needed to check in. I asked a porter and he said "That's in terminal A." with his best "you are a dumbass" sneer. What the hell is Terminal A? I went outside got on a bus and spent 8 minutes getting to Terminal A. I ran in and tried to check in with the automated thing. The auto check-in said I was within 25 minutes of departure time so please talk to the agent. I asked Lulu, not making that up, for some help. She smiled and began typing on her weird keyboard. TEN MINUTES LATER she hands me a boarding pass for a 0935 flight to Detroit (not my final destination) and said something I did not understand. Lulu's english was very poor. I told her I still had 15 minutes and needed to get on the 0730 flight for which I was booked. She smiled and nodded saying the boarding pass was just to get through security. I have never heard of that but thought great and sprinted down to security. I put my laptop in one separate bin, my shoes in another, my jacket in another, and my toiletries (in their clear Ziploc) in yet another. Stood in the puffer, got wanded, walked through the metal detector and started getting dressed and packed again. I got to the gate at 0720, there was no one in line at security, and saw the plane was already pushed back. I asked the lady at the gate why the plane pushed back early and she said it wasn't early. I asked her what time it was and she said 0720, I said what time is this plane supposed to leave and she said 0730. I informed her that would be known as early. She shrugged and walked away. I called the 1-800 number for the airline and got some dude who informed me that he was an idiot and mostly useless. I got another person who found out that not only had Lulu screwed me over by not knowing our language but she had booked me only to Detroit, and not my final destination. He got everything fixed up for me but never apologized for my inconvenience. I spent the next two hours, no Internet access, calling my boss, client, wife, hotel, and rental car company to update and adjust arrival times.

Beyond the airlines screwing me, the whole security screening process is crap. You can only have tiny little containers of toothpaste, shampoo, and other stuff and they have to be in a Ziploc. We do all of this because we don't want to single out Middle Eastern people as the ONLY PEOPLE who ever hijack airplanes. Stupid!

I am very much looking forward to Friday evenings flight home. I am debating turning my phone off and just showing up at the airport as scheduled. I also purposely did not yet name the Airlines as I plan to make them buy me a nice HDTV to make up for their 100% failure rate this week. If they won't give me the hookup I'll post the names Monday.

Scientology

I have posted on Scientology before but, since it hasn't died out, I felt the need to do it again. Scientology is a crazy cult and it amazes me that people belong to something so amazingly whacked out. The doors of their "Churches" say "By invitation only, that should clue you in right there. Any so called church that doesn't let you walk in and learn is NOT GOOD. Additionally they have levels of membership and keep things from the biggest body of believers. They hide the Xenu alien possession stuff until you are sufficiently invested and can't get out. Xenu took over the planet 75 million years ago, and all non-scientologists are "possessed" by evil alien entities and we need their guidance to get rid of our possessors. When people confront them on their beliefs they get stomped and slandered by this cult. Watch the videos on this site to get an idea of how they treat people.

They believe that you can become a god and do all kinds of crazy crap as long as you give them enough money. Those kinds of things are on their website, and I also encourage you to read what they have to say about themselves. The newest thing is that they appear to be opening up a little and not trying to hide all of their weirdness anymore since so much gets leaked when parishioners DIE or run screaming for their lives. You can click here to read about the E-meter and "auditing sessions", real standard stuff for sure.

I know this is a lot of reading and references, but check it out and see what these yahoos are all about.

Danny DeVito

Mr DeVito decided to show up drunk on The View (crappy show) to promote his Christmas movie. I am getting really tired of the way celebrities act in public. I mean no one is perfect and I don't expect that but really if you are scheduled to promote your new movie that's pretty inexcusable. Along the way he also decided to talk about having sex with his wife(Rhea Perlman), which is a great mental image. He also tossed in the gratuitous celebrity Bush bashing along the way. It almost appeared as if he wanted to see if he could be as big of a loser as Tom Cruise and his Scientology crap.

Speaking of Scientology I will be bashing them in just a few minutes in another post.

Movie Review (The Polar Express)

So, my kids saw this movie with their Grandparents a couple of years ago and I have heard all this great stuff about it ever since. It was on TV last night, so I figured I would check it out. This movie sucked very much bad. The story was just mediocre, but the killer was the very dark creepy animation. The players look like people that have had a layer of animation painted on them. I am also pretty sure Tom Hanks played at least four characters in the movie and, while I am a fan of his, that was too much. I found the sleigh bell and Santa scenes very anti-climatic and really just never connected with the story. To sum up, the story is the typical "get you to believe in Santa" stuff prevalent in almost all Christmas stuff that isn't religious. This is sometimes really good, The Santa Clause, but this time really just creepy.

To sum up, my kids love it and so do their Grandparents so I guess you should take your kids to see it. I hated it.

Christian Comedy

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Don't let your worries get the
best of you; remember, Moses started
out as a basket case.

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Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited
until you try to sit in their pews.

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Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.

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It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.

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The good Lord didn't create anything
without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

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When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.

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People are funny; they want the
front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Opportunity may knock once, but temptation
bangs on your front door forever.

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Quit griping about your
church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

If the church wants a
better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.

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God Himself does not propose
to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?

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Some minds are like concrete
thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

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Peace starts with a smile.

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I don't know why some people
change churches; what difference does
it make which one you stay home from?!

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A lot of church members who
are singing "Standing on the Promises" are just sitting on the premises.

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We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.

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Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them.

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Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Don't put a question mark where God put a period.

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Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.

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Forbidden fruits create many jams.

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God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

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God grades on the cross, not the curve.

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God loves everyone, but probably prefers
"fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"

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God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

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He who angers you, controls you!

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If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats!

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Prayer:

Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!

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The task ahead of us is never as
great as the Power behind us.

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The Will of God never takes you to
where the Grace of God will not protect you.

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We don't change the message, the message changes us.

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You can tell how big a person
is by what it takes to..........discourage him.

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The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:
1 cross + 3 nails= 4 given.

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If this e-mail blessed you in a profound way today my Dear Friend, PLEASE pass this along to your friends to bless them today, tomorrow and ALWAYS! May God and His Son bless you from today on out! Don't FORGET pass this e-mail along, I bet someone will LOVE it just as much as you did.

Philanthropy

I watched 20/20 last night since they had a special on giving and charitable donations. The special was great but unfortunately not surprising. I would encourage you to read the article by clicking here, and see the contributing factors. It seems that several factors contribute to who gives, and who gives more. Not surprising is that conservatives give much more than liberals. This shouldn't surprise anyone since liberals want the government to do the giving. John Stossel asked one of the researchers if there was any one dominant factor in determining how much someone will give. Here is the answer:

Finally, the single biggest predictor of whether someone will be charitable is their religious participation.

Religious people are more likely to give to charity, and when they give, they give more money: four times as much. And Arthur Brooks told me that giving goes beyond their own religious organization:

"Actually, the truth is that they're giving to more than their churches," he says. "The religious Americans are more likely to give to every kind of cause and charity, including explicitly non-religious charities."

For the experiment at the end of the article they placed a Salvation Army bucket in Sioux Falls and one in San Francisco. Sadly, the Sioux Falls bucket not only won by percentage but also had more money at the end of the day. The people passing by the San Francisco bucket outnumbered the Sioux Falls bucket by 100 to 1.

The point is that if you want things to change or be different or better start with yourself and your family. I don't want anyone else doing my giving for me, I'll take care of it myself. I enjoy giving to the charities, organizations and missionaries I support. I also enjoy donating the things I no longer use instead of having garage sales and such. If you aren't a giver, give it a shot and if you are thanks for helping the world be a better place instead of just talking about it.

Vegetarians

A few days ago I was watching Larry King live, more accurately someone turned it on and I was stuck in the room, and the special guest was Alec Baldwin. During the course of the interview Mr. Baldwin states that he is a vegetarian, at that point I wondered how many pounds of lettuce and beans you have to consume to get a second chin like that. Celebrities are pretty people who should mostly shut up when asked to weigh in on anything of importance, see Celebrity Jeopardy. Overweight vegetarians seem odd and also seem only to exist among the not so die-hard sect of the phenomenon. I am cool with people who don't want to eat meat, it's certainly your choice. What I dislike are the goobers who try to convince the rest of us not to eat it. I mean really, I don't go around trying to get them to eat meat so why can't they leave me alone. Here are the reasons I eat meat:

1. It tastes good.

2. That's what those animals are for. What else would we do with all those cows, chickens, pigs and fish?

3. In the right amounts eating meat is very healthy.

It's very difficult to get all the right vitamins without eating meat. Protein, Iron and B12 are especially difficult for the vegan, but you can get it from manufactured sources. The true vegans I have met in the past were not healthy looking folks though I am sure there are a few out there. My point is, I will let you not eat meat, if you will leave me, and my kids, alone when we do eat it.
Why do extreme vegetarian groups protest nude sometimes? That has always perplexed me.

Movie Review (Click)

Click is the story of a man frustrated with his life. He is frustrated because he desires monetary success, but really he is frustrating himself. In an effort to have less stress he leaves home late on night to purchase a universal remote control since he has too many. I thought this was the first oddity of the movie and it didn't really seem interesting. Long story short, he goes to the "Beyond" department of Bed, Bath and Beyond where "Morty" gives him a remote that controls his, Adam Sandler's, universe. There were some nifty things at first, but overall this movie seemed to lack ... everything. For sure Adam Sandler sways between I love and hate his work. for example I live The Wedding Singer and Mr. Deeds, but hate The Waterboy and Billy Madison. This story is the typical family is more important than money/success type thing but it's pulled of poorly. I never got to a level where I cared much about the characters. You know his boss, David Hasselhoff, better than his wife. His wife is also waaaaaay out of his league and I suppose there was some sort of neat romance story but it really gets glossed over. Instead you get more Hasselhoff. To his credit Hasselhoff played his character well, and everyone else seemed like they were just showing up for work. The movie was worth finishing but overall a waste of time.

I don't recommend this movie.

P.S. I also rented Running Scared based on the cast and reviews on the box. Canned it after ten minutes when the opening bloody shootout appeared to be acted out by 12 yr olds.

Total suckfest!

Politicians Suck

Now that the House and Senate have swapped party control we are already getting to see some ridiculous political wrangling. Apparently Ms. Pelosi wants Colonel Murtha for the Majority leader and the rest of her party wants Steny Hoyer, the current whip. To be clear I don't give a crap who it is at all. I just think it's sad that we have to see this type of infighting already. I am sure the other side of the aisle is already enjoying this total crapfest. I think that's crap too that Republicans are enjoying this. Career politicians just can't seem to work on issues, they have to work on each other all the time. A good example is this quote from Col. Murtha:

"Even though I think it’s total crap, I’ll vote for it and pass it because that’s what Nancy wants," Murtha said.

Hey man, thanks for looking out for the American people. That's a decorated war hero folks, and I am sure a good man on some level but geez why do you support something that's "total crap?" Why is it total crap, and can we have something better that isn't total crap?

I think the point is that there is no such thing as bipartisan amongst career politicians. Sad but true.

The Captain's knee

According to the Physician's Assistant I saw yesterday I have a partially torn ACL in my left knee that most likely would not be helped by surgery. We will try to overcome the instability I feel through six weeks of aggressive physical therapy. At the end of the six weeks I will be re-evaluated by a surgeon. I know everyone was dying to hear all of that, the best part is that my insurance doesn't cover PT until I meet my deductible.

Which is why I will reserve this space to give the finger to privatized medicine.

P.S. I have also declined the advice of Mike to "cut it off mid-thigh" as I left my circular saw at church.

Elton John's religious views (updated)

Elton John, Sir intentionally left out, has recently spoken out about organized religion. Most notably he said he would ban religion. That's very open minded and liberal huh? Sounds perfectly communist to me. What a jackass!

"I think religion has always tried to turn hatred toward gay people," John said to the British newspaper The Observer. "Religion promotes the hatred and spite against gays."

While there are certainly people who hate gays religion does not promote this. The Bible does proclaim homosexuality as a sin, but it is no different than any other sin. For me, the problem is that is grosses me out to think about, or see, men kissing each other etc.. I took the quote from the printed article located here. Please feel free to take a look at the Be Ghey website and note how overly sexual everything is. I especially liked the Shopping link where you can get all sorts of weird stuff. I am glad Mr. John finally spoke up, I had been wanting his opinion on so many things.

All kidding aside it is now perfectly acceptable for different groups to attack Christianity directly with almost no fear of reprisal. Huge companies, Wal-Mart and Ford, now give preferential treatment to gay and lesbian groups. I don't want these people to be treated unfairly but I also think that targeting specific groups does not bring about equality. Sell your products to all people at the same price regardless of any affiliation, that's equality. Trying to ensure that you have 10% of one color of skin, and 14% of this sexual orientation may seem like you are helping, but that is what breeds ill feelings towards each other. Hire the most qualified person, and promote the best workers if you really want to set a good example.

Kudos to the state of Michigan for banning affirmative action in its current form. They have followed the example of California and Washington and decided to quit giving preferential treatment to any group.

Movie Review (Men of Honor)

This movie from 2000 is absolutely fantastic. The story of Master Chief Boatswain's Mate Diver MCBM (DV) Carl Brashear, bottom picture, who would stop at nothing to become a Navy diver. Being a Navy diver sucks. It is difficult, disgusting, dirty, thankless work. These men are referred to as "mud puppies" and are the lowest echelon of the underwater frogman. They are also irreplaceable and life could not go on in the military without them. The actors in this movie all completely knocked it out of the park. Every performance was perfect. Most notably Robert DeNiro's adaption of a seasoned salty Master Chief is perfect. I always hate watching civilians try to portray military personnel, they always seem to miss the point, or lack believability. Not this time, if you ever wondered what a Chief, Senior Chief, or Master Chief was like watch this performance. It was perfect.
The story is sad, yet inspiring and is well written. I felt the movie slow down in a couple of places, but overall it had a good pace and keeps you engaged. Run, don't walk if you haven't seen this one before.

MRI on Monday

On Monday, the Captain goes in to find out why his knee makes funny squishing sounds and seems to move excessively from front to back during acceleration and deceleration (I use these terms liberally). I do not look forward to the results as I suspect a meniscus tear and/or some sort of abnormal tissue buildup. I have to know since trying to walk with the kids at a park a few weeks ago resulted in much swelling and pain after a very light workload. I remember distinctly about two years ago playing flag football and feeling my knee "pop" ( not painful) while trying to chase a frat boy down the field. The pop was front to back and not laterally which should mean no ACL tear but could be the MCL or PCL. I'll keep you updated on the results. If you want to know more about knee structures and diagnosis click here.

Election Night 2006

I heard some conservatives crying a bit about some of the election results from last night. Let me give my brief synopsis of what I think happened. I think people are tired of career politicians who cave in to pressure groups and large organizations; this happen regardless of the person's party. People are searching for a candidate who will listen to them and they no longer care what party they list themselves under. Several elected Democrats ran as a member of that party just so they wouldn't be associated with the President it appears. Two-thirds of the Democrats that got elected yesterday are extremely moderate being pro-life, and pro-gun etc..

The only down side I see is that Nancy Pelosi is the Speaker of the House. She is pretty wishy-washy voting one way then the other based on "party pressure." It should be fun to watch and see how well all these new folks get along. I look forward to hearing the Democratic plan for getting out of Iraq. So far all I have heard, from either party, is how crappy the other group's plan is. Now we'll see if someone can actually define something besides raising minimum wage.

Faith Hill (loser)

This is the same woman who went to New Orleans the day AFTER the President gave them (the city) $9 billion . When she got there she cussed the President on and off camera saying she wasn't doing anything. She's brilliant! She claims the CMA thing in the video was a joke, click here to read the spin. Additionally, you can click here to find their opinions on how to clean up natural disasters. In the CNN article there is a reference to Kanye West apparently doing something similar, That said, let me draw another parallel:



Perhaps Tim should find out why Faith and Kanye seem to have so many similarities. On the plus side it does show some good diversity in the Democratic party.

Overweight cops

To start with let me say that people who dedicate their live to physical law enforcement are heroes. I am not talking about cyber-crime desk jockeys ;-), though they are needed as well.

I read this article on CNN a few days ago and couldn't believe it. To sum up the Chief told his fat officers to trim it down and used the words "Jelly Bellies" which hurt some fat guy's pride. Why the fat guy thinks he isn't a jelly belly, and/or is proud of it, I don't understand. Out of 80 recipients there is one documented complaint in the form of an anonymous letter. That is such crap; this guy wants his officers trimmed down, which I firmly believe would make them better cops, and gets canned.

Why does this crap happen?

Willie Nelson writes, "Horses are all the things a truly evolved human should be." - what a flippin' idiot.

John Kerry (sore loser)

I really don't care if you are for or against the war, like or hate the President or any of that crap. I certainly care when you say bullshit like this:

He (John Kerry) said: "You know, education -- if you make the most of it, you study hard and you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well.

"If you don't, you get stuck in Iraq."

These remarks came Monday to students at Pasadena City College in California. One of Mr. Kerry's aides said it was "mangled in delivery." It was supposed to be this:

Kerry was supposed to say, "I can't overstress the importance of a great education. Do you know where you end up if you don't study, if you aren't smart, if you're intellectually lazy? You end up getting us stuck in a war in Iraq."

What a turd! FYI Mr. Jackass high and mighty who looked at the same information as our "stupid President" voted for the war.

The President said:

"The senator's suggestion that the men and women of our military are somehow uneducated is insulting and shameful," Bush said. "The men and women who serve in our all-volunteer armed forces are plenty smart and are serving because they are patriots -- and Sen. Kerry owes them an apology."

I agree, but then Mr. Kerry has never actually been able to speak for himself so he will now head back to Washington and get a prepared statement from his political party. This makes me appreciate Senator Obama as he can actually speak for himself, even though I don't necessarily agree with all of his views.

The quotes come from this article.

Movie Review (The Sentinel)

The Sentinel is about a veteran Secret Service Agent (Michael Douglas, looking old) who is getting framed for wanting to assassinate the President. Too screw his life up more he happens to be in love with the President's wife (Kim Basinger, looking hot as ever). The pace was good, the action pretty solid and the actors were great. I liked the girl from Desperate Housewives (total crap) as she pulled her role off effortlessly. Kiefer Sutherland delivered one of his standard stoic characters, but I think that's cool too. I could have stood a little more action and perhaps I might have actually enjoyed a little more background on the love story. Anyway, there's a great little twist/surprise towards the end and everything wraps up nicely. If you rent the DVD be sure to check the special features for the alternate ending.

I recommend this movie for rental night.

Movie Review (The Lake House)

The Lake House is a story about two people who live two years apart and fall in love through their ability to write letters to each other across the time gap. Somehow the mailbox at said location allows them to do this. Their deep love for each other must wait until their lives can somehow cross, and it torments them both. The main actors were absolutely fantastic which was a pleasant surprise since I was expecting Speed 4 or something like it. They both conveyed emotion effectively and kept you engaged in the story. Additionally, the pace of the movie was great, it never had a lull which I rarely say about romance crap. For sure there are some oddities that defy logic, but look beyond to the deeper meaning. There is a plot twist that is fairly easy to discover long before it is revealed, but the ending is still a tense and magical moment that is portrayed well by both the script and the players. There is some breathtaking scenery, but it seemed to flash by too quickly for me, and some of the father son relationship problems were a touch vague but it finally came out in one brief scene.

For me personally, I understood the story on its deeper level and this was the first time I have ever connected to a movie of this type. I am hoping to not make this a habit by watching The Sentinel today. One of Captain Dude's readers will definitely understand that first sentence.

I highly recommend this film.

The Captain gets on the Mancow show

Monday morning as I drove in I decided to listen to the Mancow show to see what the day's rant was. Apparently some human remains have been found a few blocks from ground zero and some concerned folks want all construction to stop until everything is recovered. Mancow seemed completely pissed off that Mayor Bloomberg would not halt everything, so I decided to phone in. They screen you pretty carefully and you have to sit on hold for about 15 minutes but it was worth it. My two comments to him were:

The sound bite of Bloomberg sounded like he was saying construction would continue only in areas that had been thoroughly searched. Mancow responded that was not what the Mayor said but I still haven't heard evidence beyond that.

Secondly, I asked about the Sailors, Marines, and Civilians interred at Pearl Harbor. Surely all of their relatives were not ok with them being left in their watery graves, but it is a fitting tribute to their sacrifice and a reminder of why we went to war. I received no answer or comment at all on this statement.

To clear it up, you cannot recover all remains from that type of devastation, and we are not recovering those people. What made them who they are is now gone and in another place. I believe 24 people are missing and presumed dead. For those families I know they seek closure, but truly if they are not dead they do not want to be found.

Stupid Drivers

So this morning I came to an intersection that does not have a light and where you must cross 4 lanes of traffic. It was then I ran into the "Knoxville Anomaly" that irks me so much. There was finally a break in traffic on my side of the road, and two cars coming on the far side so I proceeded to the middle of the intersection. My intent was to wait for the two oncoming cars to pass and then proceed the rest of the way. Instead the lead driver slammed on his brakes, I had already come to a complete stop well before this, and decided to motion me through the intersection to be nice.
This driver's attempt to be kind almost caused two cars and six people to be involved in a wreck at almost 55 miles per hour. Had this driver been smart enough to look in his rear view mirror he would have seen that there was no traffic after the two of them and that the correct thing to do was OBEY THE LAW and just keep going. This anomaly happens often in Knoxville where the second or third to last vehicle in a line will stop and try to let people in instead of just letting the traffic flow naturally. It is also never the person near the front of a long line where it might actually be beneficial.

That's how I started my day.

University of Tennessee Football

I am finally becoming a believer in the UT volunteers football team. The new OC has a grip on Erik Ainge's strengths and weaknesses and they are managing the game effectively against multiple types of opponents. With the exception of the Florida game and almost Air Force things are clicking well. I heard yesterday that Mr. Ainge was mentioned in the Heisman race. To clear this up he shouldn't be, but I guess no one is setting themselves apart right now.
For the season he has an NCAA QB rating of 172.58 and an NFL rating of 115.73, he also averages 9.74 yards per completion. These are REALLY good numbers for a guy that stunk up the joint just a season ago. The main difference is that this season he is the guy, no fear of being yanked after one poor play for a Clausen. Clausen, by the way, is German for crappy quarterback; if you don't believe me watch one of them play. Thankfully Notre Dame has inherited this plague.

Movie Review (Fun with Dick and Jane)

This movie is about a man who is a rising star in his multi-national company who suddenly finds the rug yanked out from under him Enron style. After trying to find a comparable job and failing he seeks "regular" employment and also cannot succeed in that environment. Becoming desperate he and his wife switch to a life of crime to support themselves Robin Hood style, or so they think. Anyway they get desperate, do some stupid things and there are some funny moments along the way. It all appears to work out in the end but no one ever really wraps up the whole plot.

This movie was borderline stupid with the saving graces being the peppering of funny moments and Tea Leoni being smokin' hot.

Rent it if you have nothing better to do, otherwise avoid it.

Mini Mag 2 AA 3watt LED (New Flashlight)

I have been looking to purchase an LED flashlight for about a year but didn't really want to shell out almost $100. One option I had previously considered was the $10-$15 upgrade for my 2AA Mini-Mag but the reviews on the upgrade's durability were poor. Beyond that the batteries in my mini mag burst this summer ruining the flashlight. Before I tell you about the new Mini Mag let me say that if you haven't used these lights in the past they are the best. Virtually indestructible and great performance are things I have come to expect from anything made by Maglite.
Now reading about LED technology before my purchase I understood that there were some negative aspects to converting to the newer technology. The most notable issues are price, and that and LED does not "throw" the beam as far as a traditional bulb. WHATEVER! This light, or "torch" as my friend the Artificial Dragon calls them, was $24 at Lowes and is brighter than the sun. I was looking down into the bulb from about 3 feet away when I first turned it on and my eye still hurts. The best thing for me about the new Mini Mag is that it still has their patented "candle mode" allowing you to convert the front focusing piece into a base by removing it. I do need to check and see if it came with a spare bulb, which has also always been a favorite feature of mine.

Movie Review (The Departed)

The Departed is about the convergence of the paths of two men on opposite sides of the law. Both men are cops but for very different reasons. This movie was around 2:30 long and for the first two hours the cast and the writing will absolutely dazzle you. There is some stupid artsy cinematography but that's to be expected these days. The cast is stellar and they play their parts very impressively. The script/screenplay is dynamic and twisting and takes you down several interesting paths, I was thoroughly engaged during most of the movie. The downsides were the overly abusive language which, at times, was gratuitous and not realistic. The gore from the deaths was extremely realistic so beware of that if you are squeamish. Now for the part that made this the second worst movie I have ever seen

WARNING****SPOILER****WARNING

The script writer apparently did not want to wrap up all of the interesting plot twists and turns he created during the course of the movie. Instead of working out about four details he decides to kill everyone in the movie. When I say everyone I mean he kills five of the eight main characters that you have become acquainted with throughout the film. Their deaths also do not tie up several oddities such as:
How did "the love interest" understand what was on "the CD"
What was in "the envelope"
What about "the baby"
Where did Dingham come from?
What happens to "the love interest"

I think I would still recommend seeing this film since the first part is stellar. It was worth he $8 for that, but is weird at the end.

Feeding Babies

The time has come to start feeding Mr. Chunky solid foods. I don't really see the need since he seems to pack on the pounds just fine with Mother's Milk. Something about doctor's orders etc. but anyway I am pretty sure these were green beans. Gross!

He can Dance!

Yesterday I caught my son trying the Macarena. I told him this would be his only warning on this type of behavior which includes all line dancing. I retruned from a trip out of town and initially thought he may have lost weight; as you can see from the picture, I was mistaken.

A funny (Airline Bathrooms and Seats)

I needed a funny today, check it out:

Dear Continental Airlines,

I am disgusted as I write this note to you about the miserable experience I am having sitting in seat 29E on one of your aircrafts. As you may know, this seat is situated directly across from the lavatory, so close that I can reach out my left am and touch the door.

All my senses are being tortured simultaneously. It's difficult to say what the worst part about sitting in 29E really is? Is it the stench of the sanitation fluid that's blown all over my body every 60 seconds when the door opens? Is it the wooosh of the constant flushing? Or is it the passengers asses that seem to fit into my personal space like a pornographic jig-saw puzzel?

I constructed a stink-shield by shoving one end of a blanket into the overhead compartment — while effective in blocking at least some of the smell, and offering a small bit of privacy, the ass-on-my-body factor has increased, as without my evil glare, passengers feel free to lean up against what they think is some kind of blanketed wall. The next ass that touches my shoulder will be the last!

I am picturing a board room full of executives giving props to the young promising engineer that figured out how to squeeze an additional row of seats onto this plane by putting them next to the LAV. I would like to flush his head in the toilet that I am close enough to touch, and taste, from my seat.

Putting a seat here was a very bad idea. I just heard a man groan in there! This sucks!

Worse yet, is I've paid over $400.00 for the honor of sitting in this seat!

Does your company give refunds? I'd like to go back where I came from and start over. Seat 29E could only be worse if it was located inside the bathroom.

I wonder if my clothing will retain the sanitizing odor . . . what about my hair! I feel like I'm bathing in a toilet bowl of blue liquid, and there is no man in a little boat to save me.

I am filled with a deep hatred for your plane designer and a general dis-ease that may last for hours.

We are finally decending, and soon I will be able to tear down the stink-shield, but the scars will remain.

I suggest that you initiate immediate removal of this seat from all of your crafts. Just remove it, and leave the smouldering brown hole empty, a good place for sturdy/non-absorbing luggage maybe, but not human cargo.

Even better it appears to be factual:
http://www.snopes.com/travel/airline/seat29e.asp

Death in the Family

We returned home yesterday evening around 2000 and received a call that Grandmomma had passed away this morning at 0215. We are very thankful for the 82 wonderful years that Grandmomma had and especially thankful for the opportunity that we had to spend time with her last week. She died two weeks after her diagnosis so the suffering for her and the family was certainly not as long as it could have been. While we will miss Grandmomma we know that she was a believer and that she had accepted Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior, there lies the hope and the glory in this situation. The picture above was taken in August.