New Project

The Captain has stumbled across this old girl. She is a 1978(?) Guild FJ12SB I cannot even find information on the model number. I have written a few folks, and consulted other on beginning the restoration process.
CORRECTION, according to some guitar experts I e-mailed here are the specs:

It is an F-512 Sunburst guitar. It is all solid woods--spruce top and
rosewood back and sides. Jay Pilzer, New Hope Guitar Traders,
www.guildguy.com, phone/fax (931) 433-1955

I even got an e-mail from George Gruhn himself:

I am forwarding this to Jay Pilzer for him to help you.

George Gruhn

The wrong bridge was glued on, and she has been really beaten up and not cared for throughout her life. Wish me luck as I begin to unravel her story and begin this restorative process.

P.S. The case is in equally as poor condition, so that will be next.

Iran (idiots)

So, people have been trying very hard to be diplomatic with Iran's megalomaniac leader for what three years now? At every turn the guy dares the entire non-Arab world to do anything to him. This guy is the most dangerous man on the planet and needs to be wiped out. I believe the final straw will be how quickly they hand over these British detainees. If it doesn't happen in the next 48 hours another war may be coming quickly.

Did you know that he was elected because he was a very popular soccer player?

Roofer in Knoxville (Zanoni Roofing)

After dealing with a load of idiots who wanted $800 an hour to fix my roof I found an honest contractor. Matt Zanoni stopped by at 1945 Saturday and did the job for $35. I paid him $50 just for being honest and upstanding in a line of work which appears to be full of rip-offs. If you need some roofing work done, check him out or give him a call at 865-898-3144.

The Computer Depot

One of the Captain's good friends has recently celebrated ten years in business in the Powell community. The Computer Depot can definitely take care of your needs. Please stop by or call next time you need parts or service for your PC. They also have great deals on used laptops and PCs.

The Captain crashes

Last night while taking the girls to church I stopped at a particularly busy intersection and waited for the light to change. The light turned green and the Toyota Rav-4 in front of me started to move so I let off the brake. At that moment my oldest daughter yelled something behind me so I looked in the rear-view mirror to see her dancing with some funny sunglasses on. It was at that point I completely destroyed the rear end of the Rav-4. We pulled over in a parking lot and the poor lady said she had to hit her brakes because the man in front of her stopped. When I hit her the car in front of her wast about 20 yards ahead of her, I have no idea why she stopped. As we waited for the police she must have repeated that statement 50 times. When the police came they interviewed her first and listened to the "he slammed on his brakes in front of me story." The cops walked over to me grinning a bit and said "There wasn't anyone in front of her was there?" I told them I hadn't seen any reason for her to stop but acknowledged it was my fault anyway. They chose not to give me a citation. Fortunately the Pilot only needs a little hood work, I wish I could say the same for her Toyota. 10 mph appears to have destroyed her lift gate and at least one rear quarter panel.

P.S. The Captain's wife was very pleased that I chose to drive her car last night. (sarcasm)

American Idol's terrible year

Sometimes American Idol has kids on it that can really just blow you away. Conversely, they have years where people like Reuben and Fantasia win. This is definitely an off year for Idol, they are terrible. To pay tribute to the singers out there who got the shaft I am starting a series of my favorite singer from other "reality" shows. I may even throw in some idol performances that truly brought it instead of this yodeling, beat-boxing crap. If you have time, watch all the videos as his talent really progresses towards the end.

For my first Montage, here is Mig Ayesa from RockStar:INXS.

Enjoy this Scene

Let me share with you a scene from one of the best movies ever. The movie is Crossroads starring Ralph Macchio and it is fantastically done. The long-haired guitarist in the end scene is Steve Vai, yes he is playing his parts. Ralph is NOT playing but he sure does a great job faking the fingerings.

And people ask why we homeschool

Oregon Biology Teacher Fired Over Bible References

My roofing woes

Since my ridgevent is in my backyard, and we are expecting some rain, I decided to call and get that dude put back on the house. Opening the local paper to the Service Provider section I began
dialing the roofers in order. First, almost all of these are cell numbers that appear to either be the wife or girlfriend with a screaming baby on their hip. Secondly these guy apparently think they have cured cancer or something based on their prices. The first lady says they have to see the roof to give an estimate, which I mostly disagree with in this case. Then she says they have a $200 minimum.

No Thanks.

I called the next dude and he was near my house but needed to call back. He calls back and said he also needs to see the roof but is nearby. He hands the phone to someone else who put my address in their GPS Nav system. Five minutes later they are outside. This dude pulls up in a Ford F-250 FX4 crew cab that is maybe a year old. Five dudes jump out of the truck and the driver shakes my hand and says "where is the vent?"

"In the backyard." I replied

They all run to the backyard.

"You have a ladder?" asks Mr. in-charge

"Yes, why?" from the Captain

"We need it."

I handed my ladder to some 18 yr old kid and he starts climbing my roof while Mr. in-charge is barking orders and having these boys run hither and yon doing I don't know what. I am wondering if this jackass knows I have not hired him at this point. He then looks at me and says

"I'll do it for $200, no big deal"

I tell him "I am still getting estimates, but I appreciate you time."

He says, "I can't come back for that price."

"Other people can." I inform him.


Why does he think he can pull up in a $45,000 truck with five dudes and charge me $200 for about 15 minutes of work?

I did find a dude that said he would do it for $70 which seems fair to me.

This is so sad

Mother Arrested After First-Grade Son Brings Crack Cocaine to Show-and-Tell

The headline pretty much sums it up, but read it anyway. Interesting no pictures of the mother or son, GEE I WONDER WHY.

Social Experiment part 2

This weekend the Captain decided to look at and drive some Honda Accords. I drove two older models (2000 & 2001) then saw a 2003 advertised online at the SAME LOT where the truck thing happened. I gave them a call and asked if the mileage advertised was correct and whether or not the vehicle was available. Of course it was, so I drove 20 miles to take a look since the car seemed to be an exceptional value($13,995). I showed up at the lot and met the very friendly Internet Manager who seemed to be a nice man. We chatted a minute then he walked me to the car. I was a bit shocked to see a 2005 2 door coupe with 21k miles on it sitting in front of me, he had pulled it to the front of the showroom when I told him I was coming.

"This is the wrong car." I said

"Are you sure?" came his witty reply

I related to him my experience from the previous week, his face turned an interesting pink color. He sat at his computer and magically determined the car I wanted had sold. How this was possible now and not 30 minutes previously was of great interest to me.

"Why did you say the vehicle was here?" came from the Captain

He shrugs his shoulders.

"Can I interest you in anything else?" asks doofus

I picked his most expensive used Accord, the one he pulled up, and asked to drive it. Doofus was very excited about this. When we returned he asks what I thought.

I left.

Social Experiment (Knoxville Car Dealers and Car Lots)

In collaboration with the VelvetMantis from bugly.com, we have decided to conduct a social experiment using local car dealers. We will use both blogs to detail visits to one or two car lots per week in an effort to uncover some unsavory practices. I will start things off with the ad pictured above.

The ad shown was from the Knoxville News-Sentinel and is actually still displayed on this particular dealer's website. I called the dealer about the highlighted vehicle to confirm the price and ascertain the mileage. The young man on the phone needed to go out to verify the information, of course, so I gave him my name and number. Five minutes later he called back to say the truck was still available and told me the mileage was around 68k. I drove over to the dealer spent about ten minutes going over the truck then drove it around their test driving loop. This all took about 40 minutes total. I then wanted to find out what I could get for my trade as the vehicle was fairly nice for the price.

The young man says " Just between you and me, if I give you a thousand for your trade and knock a thousand off of mine where would we be?" I said "I'll buy it right now."
He goes in to talk to the "manager" and comes out about ten minutes later.

"We have a problem," he says. "That ad is a MISPRINT in the paper. That vehicle should be $17,995."

I left.

Here is why we are conducting this experiment. This is the second time I have gone to this car dealer about six months apart and the exact same thing has happened both times. This, in conjunction with some of the other experiences I am having while car shopping, is leading me to believe that these guys are all using bait and switch type tactics. We will compile our information and ask for a response from the owners of these places of business. At that point we will decide whether or not to make this information more "public."

Actual Headlines

These are actual headlines from FoxNews:

Man Burns Genitals in 'Jackass' Stunt

Gunmen Dognap L.A. Family's 5 Puppies

Florida Man: Chicken Burrito Paralyzed Me

Killer Meat-Eating Frogs Terrorize San Francisco

Slow times these must be.

The Captain almost died (not really)

Today, March 3rd, in Knoxville was terribly windy. I went outside and noticed the ridge-vent for my house was being torn off by the gusts. I ran to my shed and grabbed some deck screws, my cordless screwdriver, and tool belt. I then grabbed my 40' extension ladder and proceeded to climb onto the roof well-equipped; or so I thought. When I reached the roof, 10.5', I realized the pitch was far too steep for me to walk up and I began to ponder how a professional would do this job. As I was theorizing, the wind whipped up and I felt the ladder "shudder." This was quite unpleasant. I began to think I should just pay someone $50 to do this while simultaneously the ladder begins to "slide" along the gutter. Let us stop for a moment to discuss the physics of this slide. The Captain weighs 160lbs, the ladder weighs probably 100lbs. That downward force will prevent the bottom feet of the ladder from traversing in the same direction as the "slide." Consider also that that downward force decreases geometrically as the 260 aforementioned pounds begin to yaw off of the vertical axis. Once the vertical axis is sufficiently compromised, about 12 inches is my guess, Sir Isaac Newton can then have a heyday as we begin to research terminal velocity from 10.5 feet with a decreasing weight starting at 260lbs. Fortunately, the Captain's cat-like reflexes enabled him to quickly reach the ground on the vertical axis(I did that thing where you put your feet on the rails and slide down). during my slide, I notice my 7 year old has come out to watch and , according to Murphy's law, has decided to put herself in the path of the destruction. She responds to a vocal command immediately while I hit the ground and grab the now 100 pounds yawing heavily to the left at about 60 degrees. I realize quickly I cannot halt the ladder, yet my macho instincts grab the structure with great ferocity. The ladder continues as if I am not present and I feel some "oddities" in my abdomen and "other places."

I will have to see the doctor.

Paul Benton Chevrolet and Twin City Mazda

I wanted to take a moment to call out two incredibly terrible car lots in the greater Knox county area. The first lot, Paul Benton Chevrolet, had a gorgeous 2005 Chevrolet Equinox listed online at $14,375. Knowing the average price and excellent safety ratings for this vehicle Mrs. Dude called and asked if the information, including price and mileage, was accurate and whether or not the vehicle was available. The sales-jackass took her name and number then WALKED OUT TO THE VEHICLE, called back and said "Yes ma'am, but it does have 1 more mile on it than listed." We scrambled to clean up our old van, load our flu-ridden family into the car, and headed to Oak Ridge happy that this process of car buying may soon be over. When we got there, a young lady came out and my wife told her we had been dealing with Ben Nichols, and were there to see the Equinox. We walked over to look while she went to get the keys. As she approached me she said "I apologize, but the price on the Internet is incorrect; but we'll sell it for the price in the window." GEE, you'll obey the law, thanks. We demanded to see Mr. Nichols and after a few minutes of saying that it wasn't his fault because:

1. He isn't the Internet manager.
2. Some other company does all their Internet stuff.
3. Today ends in a y.

Not once did he say it was his mistake. When we asked if he noticed the price problem we asked if he had attempted to call us back, of course he didn't. I completely believe this was bait and switch and will certainly be turning them in to the BBB.

Next I head to the "World famous airport motor mile." Twin City Mazda has three Hyundai Sonatas that appear to be competitively priced. I have already driven one, so I just want to know the trade value of my van. I tell the "lot hawk" that I would prefer to finance $13,000 or less and to see what he can do. He fills out the "four-square" customer sheet, and disappears. He comes back ten minutes later with his "manager." First off, the Captain is youngish looking so keep that in mind. This 25 year old manager walks in and says "How are you feeling big man?" I immediately know this guy is a loser and would put his name here if I remembered it. I am 6' tall and weigh a whole 160lbs. I said "I am doing well, how are you?"

He replies, "If we can do your trade and $13,000 will you buy it right now?"

Me: "No sir, I have an appointment with Beaty Chevrolet to drive an Impala after this, but your numbers sound good."

Him: "Why Beaty, just go to West down the road a block."

Me: "Well, because that would be rude."

(during this exchange I am seated, he is standing over me in a small cubicle.)

He sits at this point, crosses his legs, stares at his customer sheet and looks perplexed.

Me: "I like the figures, can you do that? If so, we would test drive this vehicle now and keep it in mind."

Him: " I don't know if I can if you won't make a commitment."

Me: "What does me making a commitment have to do with that?"

Him: (silence)

Me: "Can you not do the math without an instantaneous sale?"

Him: (silence) (confusion)

Me: "I have done this a few times, let's not play games."

Him: "I am not playing games."

Me: " I appreciate your time, have a nice day."

Him: "Well I think we can work..."

Me: " I am done here!" (other customers starting to stare)

Him: " Oh, Mr. (Captain Dude) I really want.." (now I am a Mister and not "Big man")

At this point I pushed past him and his lot hawk to get out the door.

I don't want them to give cars away, but let's be realistic. Dude, you sell cars. You are not smarter than me, I can do math, and know what I want. Don't be condescending to me, and don't try your old-school high-pressure horse crap on people who can do a little Internet research and/or can balance their checkbook. The place where I bought my Pilot was great if you want an nice easy-going experience coupled with some really nice vehicles go to:

Duncan Automotive

maps.google.com

10631 Parkside Dr
Knoxville, TN 37922
(865) 671-1411

Get directions

They will treat you right I promise.

JC vs. JC

Hey, big news, James Cameron found the tomb of Jesus Christ(horse crap). I will not call out how ridiculous this is, but read this article. By the way if you're curious it is always slam Christianity season in Hollywood.

My Broncos

In another seemingly bonehead move by GM Matt Millen of the Lions, my beloved Broncos got Mr. Dre' Bly in a trade for OT George Foster and RB Tatum Bell. George has been durable but not as promising an athlete as he appeared to be at the NCAA level, he can be easily replaced.

Tatum never emerged like he should have as a starter and became more of a fumbler in all subsequent seasons with Denver. He lost all five of his fumbles last year. Mike Bell is a touch bigger than Tatum and can hopefully step in as a starter.

Dre' Bly is no spring chicken and is also a bit undersized for the newer receivers coming out these days. With Champ Bailey on the other side of the field for the monsters he appears to be a perfect fit. Some folks knock his tackling but looking at his stats he appears to be quite capable in that area. I also don't think you should knock any one athlete on the Lions team since they always seem to have only one or two natural athletes on the field at any one time.

Way to go Mr. Millen. I wonder if I can apply for his job? I hate that I always feel so sorry for the Lions.

We are sick (again)

My whole family minus the Mrs. is batting the flu right now. I have taken more sick days and medication in the past six months than I have my entire life combined. Our 7 yr old developed symptoms Saturday/Sunday and we all got on a preventative, Tamiflu, Monday but that didn't help. I became symptomatic next followed by the five year old. Now the chunky little guy seems a bit mopey but no fever yet.

On the plus side I got to find out that our crappy old minivan needs $1100 dollars worth of repairs and the back to the Future marathon was on WGN yesterday. I was extremely disappointed that they chose to air the phrase "son-of-a-b**ch" fifteen time in the middle of the day so that my kids could not watch it. The other favorite word in the film was "damn" uttered at least twenty times per film. Quite unfortunate since those were nice simple movies with no political undertones in them. Imagine that, a movie(s) you could watch that doesn't have an ulterior motive by people with no education or political insight. What a thought.

I have to go decide whether or not to scrap our van or buy, another, new car.