Christian Comedy

+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Don't let your worries get the
best of you; remember, Moses started
out as a basket case.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited
until you try to sit in their pews.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

The good Lord didn't create anything
without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

People are funny; they want the
front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Opportunity may knock once, but temptation
bangs on your front door forever.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Quit griping about your
church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

If the church wants a
better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

God Himself does not propose
to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Some minds are like concrete
thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Peace starts with a smile.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

I don't know why some people
change churches; what difference does
it make which one you stay home from?!

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

A lot of church members who
are singing "Standing on the Promises" are just sitting on the premises.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Don't put a question mark where God put a period.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Forbidden fruits create many jams.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

God grades on the cross, not the curve.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

God loves everyone, but probably prefers
"fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

He who angers you, controls you!

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats!

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Prayer:

Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

The task ahead of us is never as
great as the Power behind us.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

The Will of God never takes you to
where the Grace of God will not protect you.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

We don't change the message, the message changes us.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

You can tell how big a person
is by what it takes to..........discourage him.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:
1 cross + 3 nails= 4 given.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

If this e-mail blessed you in a profound way today my Dear Friend, PLEASE pass this along to your friends to bless them today, tomorrow and ALWAYS! May God and His Son bless you from today on out! Don't FORGET pass this e-mail along, I bet someone will LOVE it just as much as you did.

Philanthropy

I watched 20/20 last night since they had a special on giving and charitable donations. The special was great but unfortunately not surprising. I would encourage you to read the article by clicking here, and see the contributing factors. It seems that several factors contribute to who gives, and who gives more. Not surprising is that conservatives give much more than liberals. This shouldn't surprise anyone since liberals want the government to do the giving. John Stossel asked one of the researchers if there was any one dominant factor in determining how much someone will give. Here is the answer:

Finally, the single biggest predictor of whether someone will be charitable is their religious participation.

Religious people are more likely to give to charity, and when they give, they give more money: four times as much. And Arthur Brooks told me that giving goes beyond their own religious organization:

"Actually, the truth is that they're giving to more than their churches," he says. "The religious Americans are more likely to give to every kind of cause and charity, including explicitly non-religious charities."

For the experiment at the end of the article they placed a Salvation Army bucket in Sioux Falls and one in San Francisco. Sadly, the Sioux Falls bucket not only won by percentage but also had more money at the end of the day. The people passing by the San Francisco bucket outnumbered the Sioux Falls bucket by 100 to 1.

The point is that if you want things to change or be different or better start with yourself and your family. I don't want anyone else doing my giving for me, I'll take care of it myself. I enjoy giving to the charities, organizations and missionaries I support. I also enjoy donating the things I no longer use instead of having garage sales and such. If you aren't a giver, give it a shot and if you are thanks for helping the world be a better place instead of just talking about it.

Vegetarians

A few days ago I was watching Larry King live, more accurately someone turned it on and I was stuck in the room, and the special guest was Alec Baldwin. During the course of the interview Mr. Baldwin states that he is a vegetarian, at that point I wondered how many pounds of lettuce and beans you have to consume to get a second chin like that. Celebrities are pretty people who should mostly shut up when asked to weigh in on anything of importance, see Celebrity Jeopardy. Overweight vegetarians seem odd and also seem only to exist among the not so die-hard sect of the phenomenon. I am cool with people who don't want to eat meat, it's certainly your choice. What I dislike are the goobers who try to convince the rest of us not to eat it. I mean really, I don't go around trying to get them to eat meat so why can't they leave me alone. Here are the reasons I eat meat:

1. It tastes good.

2. That's what those animals are for. What else would we do with all those cows, chickens, pigs and fish?

3. In the right amounts eating meat is very healthy.

It's very difficult to get all the right vitamins without eating meat. Protein, Iron and B12 are especially difficult for the vegan, but you can get it from manufactured sources. The true vegans I have met in the past were not healthy looking folks though I am sure there are a few out there. My point is, I will let you not eat meat, if you will leave me, and my kids, alone when we do eat it.
Why do extreme vegetarian groups protest nude sometimes? That has always perplexed me.

Movie Review (Click)

Click is the story of a man frustrated with his life. He is frustrated because he desires monetary success, but really he is frustrating himself. In an effort to have less stress he leaves home late on night to purchase a universal remote control since he has too many. I thought this was the first oddity of the movie and it didn't really seem interesting. Long story short, he goes to the "Beyond" department of Bed, Bath and Beyond where "Morty" gives him a remote that controls his, Adam Sandler's, universe. There were some nifty things at first, but overall this movie seemed to lack ... everything. For sure Adam Sandler sways between I love and hate his work. for example I live The Wedding Singer and Mr. Deeds, but hate The Waterboy and Billy Madison. This story is the typical family is more important than money/success type thing but it's pulled of poorly. I never got to a level where I cared much about the characters. You know his boss, David Hasselhoff, better than his wife. His wife is also waaaaaay out of his league and I suppose there was some sort of neat romance story but it really gets glossed over. Instead you get more Hasselhoff. To his credit Hasselhoff played his character well, and everyone else seemed like they were just showing up for work. The movie was worth finishing but overall a waste of time.

I don't recommend this movie.

P.S. I also rented Running Scared based on the cast and reviews on the box. Canned it after ten minutes when the opening bloody shootout appeared to be acted out by 12 yr olds.

Total suckfest!

Politicians Suck

Now that the House and Senate have swapped party control we are already getting to see some ridiculous political wrangling. Apparently Ms. Pelosi wants Colonel Murtha for the Majority leader and the rest of her party wants Steny Hoyer, the current whip. To be clear I don't give a crap who it is at all. I just think it's sad that we have to see this type of infighting already. I am sure the other side of the aisle is already enjoying this total crapfest. I think that's crap too that Republicans are enjoying this. Career politicians just can't seem to work on issues, they have to work on each other all the time. A good example is this quote from Col. Murtha:

"Even though I think it’s total crap, I’ll vote for it and pass it because that’s what Nancy wants," Murtha said.

Hey man, thanks for looking out for the American people. That's a decorated war hero folks, and I am sure a good man on some level but geez why do you support something that's "total crap?" Why is it total crap, and can we have something better that isn't total crap?

I think the point is that there is no such thing as bipartisan amongst career politicians. Sad but true.

The Captain's knee

According to the Physician's Assistant I saw yesterday I have a partially torn ACL in my left knee that most likely would not be helped by surgery. We will try to overcome the instability I feel through six weeks of aggressive physical therapy. At the end of the six weeks I will be re-evaluated by a surgeon. I know everyone was dying to hear all of that, the best part is that my insurance doesn't cover PT until I meet my deductible.

Which is why I will reserve this space to give the finger to privatized medicine.

P.S. I have also declined the advice of Mike to "cut it off mid-thigh" as I left my circular saw at church.

Elton John's religious views (updated)

Elton John, Sir intentionally left out, has recently spoken out about organized religion. Most notably he said he would ban religion. That's very open minded and liberal huh? Sounds perfectly communist to me. What a jackass!

"I think religion has always tried to turn hatred toward gay people," John said to the British newspaper The Observer. "Religion promotes the hatred and spite against gays."

While there are certainly people who hate gays religion does not promote this. The Bible does proclaim homosexuality as a sin, but it is no different than any other sin. For me, the problem is that is grosses me out to think about, or see, men kissing each other etc.. I took the quote from the printed article located here. Please feel free to take a look at the Be Ghey website and note how overly sexual everything is. I especially liked the Shopping link where you can get all sorts of weird stuff. I am glad Mr. John finally spoke up, I had been wanting his opinion on so many things.

All kidding aside it is now perfectly acceptable for different groups to attack Christianity directly with almost no fear of reprisal. Huge companies, Wal-Mart and Ford, now give preferential treatment to gay and lesbian groups. I don't want these people to be treated unfairly but I also think that targeting specific groups does not bring about equality. Sell your products to all people at the same price regardless of any affiliation, that's equality. Trying to ensure that you have 10% of one color of skin, and 14% of this sexual orientation may seem like you are helping, but that is what breeds ill feelings towards each other. Hire the most qualified person, and promote the best workers if you really want to set a good example.

Kudos to the state of Michigan for banning affirmative action in its current form. They have followed the example of California and Washington and decided to quit giving preferential treatment to any group.

Movie Review (Men of Honor)

This movie from 2000 is absolutely fantastic. The story of Master Chief Boatswain's Mate Diver MCBM (DV) Carl Brashear, bottom picture, who would stop at nothing to become a Navy diver. Being a Navy diver sucks. It is difficult, disgusting, dirty, thankless work. These men are referred to as "mud puppies" and are the lowest echelon of the underwater frogman. They are also irreplaceable and life could not go on in the military without them. The actors in this movie all completely knocked it out of the park. Every performance was perfect. Most notably Robert DeNiro's adaption of a seasoned salty Master Chief is perfect. I always hate watching civilians try to portray military personnel, they always seem to miss the point, or lack believability. Not this time, if you ever wondered what a Chief, Senior Chief, or Master Chief was like watch this performance. It was perfect.
The story is sad, yet inspiring and is well written. I felt the movie slow down in a couple of places, but overall it had a good pace and keeps you engaged. Run, don't walk if you haven't seen this one before.

MRI on Monday

On Monday, the Captain goes in to find out why his knee makes funny squishing sounds and seems to move excessively from front to back during acceleration and deceleration (I use these terms liberally). I do not look forward to the results as I suspect a meniscus tear and/or some sort of abnormal tissue buildup. I have to know since trying to walk with the kids at a park a few weeks ago resulted in much swelling and pain after a very light workload. I remember distinctly about two years ago playing flag football and feeling my knee "pop" ( not painful) while trying to chase a frat boy down the field. The pop was front to back and not laterally which should mean no ACL tear but could be the MCL or PCL. I'll keep you updated on the results. If you want to know more about knee structures and diagnosis click here.

Election Night 2006

I heard some conservatives crying a bit about some of the election results from last night. Let me give my brief synopsis of what I think happened. I think people are tired of career politicians who cave in to pressure groups and large organizations; this happen regardless of the person's party. People are searching for a candidate who will listen to them and they no longer care what party they list themselves under. Several elected Democrats ran as a member of that party just so they wouldn't be associated with the President it appears. Two-thirds of the Democrats that got elected yesterday are extremely moderate being pro-life, and pro-gun etc..

The only down side I see is that Nancy Pelosi is the Speaker of the House. She is pretty wishy-washy voting one way then the other based on "party pressure." It should be fun to watch and see how well all these new folks get along. I look forward to hearing the Democratic plan for getting out of Iraq. So far all I have heard, from either party, is how crappy the other group's plan is. Now we'll see if someone can actually define something besides raising minimum wage.

Faith Hill (loser)

This is the same woman who went to New Orleans the day AFTER the President gave them (the city) $9 billion . When she got there she cussed the President on and off camera saying she wasn't doing anything. She's brilliant! She claims the CMA thing in the video was a joke, click here to read the spin. Additionally, you can click here to find their opinions on how to clean up natural disasters. In the CNN article there is a reference to Kanye West apparently doing something similar, That said, let me draw another parallel:



Perhaps Tim should find out why Faith and Kanye seem to have so many similarities. On the plus side it does show some good diversity in the Democratic party.

Overweight cops

To start with let me say that people who dedicate their live to physical law enforcement are heroes. I am not talking about cyber-crime desk jockeys ;-), though they are needed as well.

I read this article on CNN a few days ago and couldn't believe it. To sum up the Chief told his fat officers to trim it down and used the words "Jelly Bellies" which hurt some fat guy's pride. Why the fat guy thinks he isn't a jelly belly, and/or is proud of it, I don't understand. Out of 80 recipients there is one documented complaint in the form of an anonymous letter. That is such crap; this guy wants his officers trimmed down, which I firmly believe would make them better cops, and gets canned.

Why does this crap happen?

Willie Nelson writes, "Horses are all the things a truly evolved human should be." - what a flippin' idiot.

John Kerry (sore loser)

I really don't care if you are for or against the war, like or hate the President or any of that crap. I certainly care when you say bullshit like this:

He (John Kerry) said: "You know, education -- if you make the most of it, you study hard and you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well.

"If you don't, you get stuck in Iraq."

These remarks came Monday to students at Pasadena City College in California. One of Mr. Kerry's aides said it was "mangled in delivery." It was supposed to be this:

Kerry was supposed to say, "I can't overstress the importance of a great education. Do you know where you end up if you don't study, if you aren't smart, if you're intellectually lazy? You end up getting us stuck in a war in Iraq."

What a turd! FYI Mr. Jackass high and mighty who looked at the same information as our "stupid President" voted for the war.

The President said:

"The senator's suggestion that the men and women of our military are somehow uneducated is insulting and shameful," Bush said. "The men and women who serve in our all-volunteer armed forces are plenty smart and are serving because they are patriots -- and Sen. Kerry owes them an apology."

I agree, but then Mr. Kerry has never actually been able to speak for himself so he will now head back to Washington and get a prepared statement from his political party. This makes me appreciate Senator Obama as he can actually speak for himself, even though I don't necessarily agree with all of his views.

The quotes come from this article.