This was in the "Perspectives" section of the Sunday paper; I felt it deserved being spread around, check it out. I have to say that I don't mid the idea of conservation, but we need to quit trying to vilify others and not be led by all these ridiculous hypocrite celebrities. Their goal is only to bash certain government figures and promote their own fame. If their goal were truly reform they would lead by example.
Jessica Davis has something to say about global warming and carbon footprints
Tempting as it was to hear Jane Goodall execute a series of chimpanzee calls on the miserable failure dubbed “Live Earth,” I was preoccupied with offsetting the quarter million tons of carbon emissions created by the aging musicians and pot-smoking tree-huggers by leaving the television off. Our own beloved Al Gore, who boasts a carbon footprint 20 times the size of the average Tennessean, according to the Tennessee Center for Policy Research, hosted the event.
Though Gore was armed with an almost cultish seven-point pledge he expected the world to recite and obey to combat global doom, the only planetary catastrophe that night appeared to be the ratings. Many hypocritical celebrities joined him in Godzilla-sized footprints and in offering tips to save the world from this “crisis.” As a fellow citizen of the world, I offer a few of my own, as space constraints will allow:
* The brilliant sage Sheryl Crow imparted a tiny nugget of wisdom on her blog:
“I propose a limitation be put on how many sqares [sic] of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit.” I suggest we heed her advice and lobby the federal government to pass and enforce such a law. Even better, in lieu of producing more toilet paper, I suggest Americans use a handy copy of the Bill of Rights. Clearly, it has passed its prime in this new era of forced conservation trumping individual rights.
* Cameron Diaz lauded the idea of showering together to conserve water. I propose Diaz head up the new Shower with the Homeless state program in California. Not only would water be conserved, but celebrities can feel good about sticking another Band-Aid on the homeless problem (like brand-new shopping carts).
* In order to conserve more water, “Live Earth” should have had the attendees at the Johannesburg concert bottle up the record snow that fell there the previous week, to which they attributed their low turnout. While I am suggesting these ideas at the peak of their irony, why not have them store the water in the thousands of plastic cups that the London concertgoers left behind across the stadium despite exhortations to deposit them in recycling bins?
* Presidential hopeful John “I’m a man!” Edwards could simply use 10 percent of what he pays for a haircut to purchase carbon offsets for the entire country of China for the next decade.
* Since energy conservation will render the world dimmer as the completely dark opening of Madonna’s act on “Live Earth” demonstrated (too bad it didn’t stay that way), crime will undoubtedly increase. Let’s put these new prisoners to work planting trees as “carbon offsets” for the rest of us. We should expect an array of convicts to come from Americans who defiantly refused to use one square.
Gore assumed exhibiting such a barn-door effort to raise awareness must lend truth to his argument of pending calamity. Never mind questioning the validity of attributing the slight rise in temperature to mankind and presenting the infinitesimal fluctuation as an imminent global destroyer, though scientists have found now that the sun’s current sunspot cycle is also heating up several other planets in our system that harbor no known SUVs. I guess, in science, general consensus equates truth — right, Galileo?
Jessica Davis has a B.A. in political science with a minor in military history. Her e-mail address is Jess.Davis@alumni.duke.edu .
© 2007, Knoxville News Sentinel Co.
1 comment:
That's a great editorial, but Ms Davis' degree in military history totally invalidates her opinion, and makes her nothing but a warmonger.
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