Fun at Wal-Mart

Let's face it, we all love and hate Wal-Mart. We love the fact that we can go in there and find what we need at probably an unbeatable price. We hate that we will be standing behind ten shirtless dudes who don't bathe as we check out in the 2 open lanes out of 40. That said here are some fun things you can try next time you are stuck in a Wal-Mart. I got this in an e-mail and just changed the format a bit.

Take boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.

Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

Walk up to an employee and told her in an official tone "Code 3 in housewares"...and watch what happens.

Go to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

Move a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

When a clerk asks if they can help you, he begins to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

Look right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme song.

In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

Hide in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yell "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO!"It's those voices again!

Go into a fitting room,shut the door and wait awhile; then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

Personal Space

A few days ago my wife was shopping with all THREE of my children, no small task, when a stranger noticed the baby. This lady rushed towards my wife dropping all of her food items and practically yelling "Ohhhhh, let me hold him!" Uh, Heck no! Is this a southern thing or do people everywhere feel completely comfortable snatching up someone else's newborn? If I offer him to someone I am comfortable with that, but if I don't know you then please stay away. To that woman's credit, he is the cutest kid that has ever been born so naturally everyone does want to hold him.

Political Correctness

I got this in an e-mail today:

***IMPORTANT NOTICE***
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans, North Carolinians, Virginians and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES."

You must now refer to us as

APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

Thank you!

Now if you'll excuse me, I got possums to fry...

Throwing Stones

Yesterday I had the privilege of watching folks stand inside a glass house and throw stones at another person. I have never seen anything like that in my life. Lately I have observed these people wanting several things, but being unwilling to take on the burden themselves. I think that's total crap. These people want a great social club that's run for them without expending much effort themselves.
In general, I am tired of lazy people who want someone else to fix their problems. It reminds me of when I played sports as a younger man. When I played team sports, like football, there was always one guy on the team that would blame other people for anything that went wrong, even if it was clearly his fault. When I played individual sports, like wrestling, there really weren't a whole lot of people I could blame if things didn't go well.

House tour

For my friends and family that live far from us, I made this:

New Movie (Facing the Giants)

I was reading yesterday in this article how this movie was given a PG rating because it is overtly Christian. That's too bad. I went and watched the trailer at http://www.facingthegiants.com/ and the movie really looks great.
I can say that several times in my own life I have wanted to give into fear and that I certainly never got myself through anything. There were a couple of times in the early 90's when I was positive I was going to die, and only God was there for me. More recently I have struggled in some of my leadership positions just trying to do the best that I can and feeling like my best is not good enough for anybody. It's times like those that I have to lean on Him and Fear Not!

Disgrace the Uniform

I read today that First Lieutenant Ehren Watada will refuse his orders to go to Iraq saying that he does not feel compelled to fight in war against a country that did nothing to us. Additionally, he said that he doesn't want to lead his men into combat since he has seen so many families torn apart.

You sir are a disgrace to the United States of America and the United States Army. You swore to support and defend the constitution of the United States against all enemies both foreign and domestic AND to obey the orders of those appointed over you. Your men will be lead by someone else, preferably someone with a pair; you are not preventing them from having to go anywhere. You are simply going to be court martialed and jailed where you can rest easy knowing you won't see any combat.


You should have done your time then resigned your commission OR you should have never signed up for ROTC just for the free scholarship. Good luck in the pokey chicken man.

Dumb People

CNN published the results of the GMAC insurance driving test. I have to say, having traveled quite a bit, I agree with what I read. I guess my opinion is a little skewed because I did learn to drive in Oregon.

Average: 83.7 percent

1. Oregon 90.6

2. Washington 88.2

3. Vermont 87.5

4. Idaho 87.3 (Tie)

4. South Dakota 87.3 (Tie)

6. Montana 87.2

7. Nebraska 87.0

8. Kansas 86.8

9. Iowa 86.7

10. Wyoming 86.2

11. Wisconsin 86.1

12. Minnesota 86.0

13. Alaska 85.8

14. California 85.6

15. Indiana 85.2 (Tie)

15. Colorado 85.2 (Tie)

17. Michigan 85.1

18. North Dakota 85.0

19. West Virginia 84.8

20. Utah 84.5

21. Mississippi 84.4

22. Illinois 84.3

23. Tennessee 84.2

24. Texas 84.0 (Tie)

24. Kentucky 84.0 (Tie)

26. New Hampshire 83.9

27. Arkansas 83.8

28. Virginia 83.5

29. Arizona 83.4

30. Georgia 83.2 (Tie)

30. Louisiana 83.2 (Tie)

32. North Carolina 83.1 (Tie)

32. Maine 83.1 (Tie)

34. Ohio 83.0

35. Oklahoma 82.9

36. Alabama 82.8

37. Missouri 82.7 (Tie)

37. Delaware 82.7 (Tie)

39. Nevada 82.6

40. South Carolina 82.3 (Tie)

40. Florida 82.3 (Tie)

42. Pennsylvania 82.1

43. New Mexico 81.5

44. Connecticut 80.9

45. Hawaii 80.7

46. Maryland 79.5

47. New York 79.4

48. New Jersey 78.6 (Tie)

48. Massachusetts 78.6 (Tie)

50. Washington, D.C. 76.5

51. Rhode Island 75.1

P.S. I am moving up in the Mconahey rankings.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

How dangerous is this guy? He says one day that Israel should be exterminated and that the holocaust is fiction, then tells everyone he is just enriching uranium to light his country. I must say that I, personally, am terribly frightened of this man. It should also be frightening that Russia and China seem to be ok with this dude. Those countries try to act above board when the world is focused on them, but they still concern me. By the way that is Mahmoud with the Syrian President Bashar Al-Assad, another really peaceful guy. I promise no one in that picture is wearing deodorant.

I wonder if the U.N. will acutally do anything besides their age old tactic of "Stop!" "Ok now stop!" "We really mean it, STOP!" "umm could you maybe stop doing that?" "Is there anyway we can help you?"

The FDA and their new mission

This article has some good and bad points. I will, of course, feel free to point out what I perceive to be the good and bad.

The good:

"We must take a serious look at the impact these foods are having on our waistlines," said Penelope Slade Royall, director of the health promotion office at the Department of Health and Human Services.

That is absolutely something that shoul dbe investigated, and I consider that a good study to be undertaken and reported on. Getting this type of information widely publicized and into the hands of this nation's people is a great idea.

The bad:

Consumer advocates increasingly have heaped some of the blame on restaurant chains like McDonald's, which bristles at the criticism while offering more salads and fruit....
The report encourages restaurants to shift the emphasis of their marketing to lower-calorie choices, and include more such options on menus. In addition, restaurants could jigger portion sizes and the variety of foods available in mixed dishes to cut calories

It's ridiculous to think that it's someone else's fault that you can't control your gob-hole. The bottom line is learning self control and moderation. I am not saying that is easy for everyone, but let's not blame the people who provide the food.

Holy ridiculous crap!

Now really, why did her sexuallity have to be stated? No one even cares about the romantic aspect of superheroes, this is obviously to get the "it's ok to be gay" message to young people. This is almost as stupid as the time they tried to make Superman a vegetarian. I take that back, this is much worse. There is truly no reason to state that Batwoman is gay other than to get that message into kids heads.
I have to say they did an excellent job making her look just like all they gay women I see, I can only assume that when she takes off her costume that she has a killer softball mullet and isn't quite so svelte. That observation is of course only based on the sampling of lesbians I have encountered, not to say it's a requirement to look that way to be gay.

Movie Review (Failure to Launch)

I hit the dollar theatre last night with my wife since my Mother-in-law was in town and could watch the girls. Because my son is still breastfed he went with us to the movie. When we walked in holding the carrier some jackass said "Oh great, a baby!" to which I replied "Oh great, a jackass!" and sat right in front of him. Turned out he ran his mouth more during the movie than the baby.

Now for the review, Matthew Mconahey (misspelled) is a 35 year old who still lives at home and Sarah Jessica Parker is a person who specializes in getting men like this to leave home. Ignoring the fact that you probably can't make a living doing this, the movie was excellent and had some tremendously funny parts. Every part was extremely well cast, and the "unknowns" really held their own on screen with the big names. Terry Bradshaw cannot act a lick but fit well in the father character role and has an exceptionally gut busting scene in which he bares his 57 year old body to the world. His natural self was well suited to the role. The "Alias guy" was fantastic and both of the other close friends also delivered great performances. For the ladies, Matt McConaughey bares his chest at least once or twice and is typically charming. For the dudes, I just don't see the attraction to Sarah Jessica Parker but she did a great job in her role as well.

I highly recommend this as a date movie, probably equally as good as a rental since the big screen doesn't offer any enhancement to most romantic comedies.

My Son

Matthew Mconahey

There are a select few who will understand why matthew mconahey has his misspelled name on this page. To them I say it's on!

Immigration Analogy

This is a quote from another blog that I felt deserved spreading around:

"Here is a letter making its rounds on the internet. It was published in a North Carolina newspaper. Whoever wrote it, was spot on. It really puts this immigration issue in focus.

To the Editor:
Recently large demonstrations have taken place across the country protesting the fact that Congress is finally addressing the issue of illegal immigration. Certain people are angry that the U.S. might protect its own borders, might make it harder to sneak into this country and once here, to stay indefinitely.

Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these protests.

Let's say I break into your house. Let's say that when you discover me in your home you insist that I leave. But, I say, "I've made all the beds and washed the dishes and did the laundry and swept the floors: I've done all the things you don't like to do. I'm hard-working and honest ... except for that part where I broke into your house.

"According to the protesters, not only must you let me stay, you must add me to your family's insurance plan and provide other benefits for me and my family. My husband will do your yard work because he too is hard-working and honest ... except for that breaking in thing.

"If you try to call the police or force me out I will call my friends who will picket your house carrying signs that proclaim my right to be here. It's only fair, after all, because you have a nicer house than I do, and I'm just trying to better myself. I'm hard-working and honest .... ummmmm .... except for that breaking in thing.

"Besides. What a deal it is for me! I live in your house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of my keep, and there is nothing you can do about it without being accused of selfishness, prejudice and being anti-housebreaker!

Did I miss anything? Does this sound reasonable to you? If it does, grab a sign and go picket something. If this sounds insane to you call your senators and enlighten them because they are stumbling in the darkness right now and really need your help."

Another Funny Commercial (Dish TV)

In one of the new Dish or Direc TV ads there is a family talking about how "shocked" they were at cable prices and how they decided to give one of the satellite providers a try. It's all pretty standard fodder until they talk about their kids teacher giving satellite TV an "A+". They cut to the teacher in her "classroom". This woman is about 23-25 yrs old and has on a red button up shirt that is unbuttoned all they way to her waist clearly showing nothing but a bra underneath. I am not saying this is indecent or anything, I just wonder how this got approved as an elementary educator in her classroom dressed this way. I can't find a picture of her right now but when I do I will insert it into this post, it's too funny.

Funny Commercial (Dove Campaign)

So, Dove has started their "campaign for real beauty" which isn't the worst idea ever, it's just getting implemented poorly. What they have decided to do is show average, or above average, sized ladies in their commercials, which I have no problem with. The problem I have is that they have decided to show these ladies in underwear and bikinis. It's cool if you aren't a size 4 or 6 but YO KEEP IT COVERED UP! I don't have a beautiful athletic body, so guees what I KEEP IT COVERED UP. It was actually gross looking in the commercial, and truly why do you have to be mostly naked to sell soap?

Captain Dude got quoted

Captain Dude got quoted on bugly, what an honor. It's a great day when a veteran blogger like the velvetmantis uses you as a reference, even if it's about underwear.

You Should Be a Film Writer

You don't just create compelling stories, you see them as clearly as a movie in your mind. You have a knack for details and dialogue. You can really make a character come to life. Chances are, you enjoy creating all types of stories. The joy is in the storytelling. And nothing would please you more than millions of people seeing your story on the big screen!

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

I also wanted to throw out my quote of the week for this Friday:

"If you can't laugh at yourself don't worry, I'll do it."
Captain Dude

Should be a good day

When I got to work this morning one of my co-workers, the riddler, was blaring some funky music and singing pretty loud. That's the way I like to start my day, someone having a great time not caring what's going on around them. Hopefully with that start I will be able to finish the four reports I have due by Friday.

Memorial Day

Next Monday is the traditional observance of Memorial Day. This day is set aside in remembrance of our fallen heroes. These are the men and women who were not only brave enough to choose to serve their country, that is Veteran's Day, but actually lost their lives preserving our freedoms or trying to give those freedoms to other people. I would ask that on this day you put aside your politics and opinions for just a moment and give them the respect they deserve. Whether or not you agree with what they did it is still a tremendous sacrifice to lay down your life for others. If you are unsure about the specifics of observance please click here.

Greater love hath no man than this,
that a man lay down his life for his friends.
John 15:13