Friday's Jokes

How to Poop at Work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE
Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE)
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

Manisms

PETA (losers)

The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals have been lying to the public for many years. I personally donated money to them in 1995 before I knew what they were really about. I got a solicitation in the mail to help save a few homeless pups and sent in $20. I was then bombarded with animal horror stories for several years, lesson learned. Some PETA member equate themselves with people like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Ghandi, and Jesus Christ. They ALL equate a chickens life with a human's life. If you are a vegan, it's all good. I am not going to extol the benefits of eating meat and I am cool with people being vegetarian to whatever degree. Leave me alone though. I have a problem when people lie to try and trick others into believing their point of view. That said here is a short 15 minute video on what PETA is really all about.

WARNING: Strong language!

Marijuana for Medical Use

I heard on the radio yesterday a very interesting narrative about the benefits some patients could get from using marijuana. There were about three good points made and cases where I could actually see the drug as a benefit for a very small portion of the population that suffer from some pretty terrible afflictions such as cancer, and other terminal illnesses. I should probably also state that I have never actually tried marijuana and have no desire to try it at all.

I think the problem is that the people that promote this stuff are "stoners" and sound like they are currently lit up. The dude that was promoting legalization of marijuana went from lucid to idiot in about 2 seconds. Here are some examples of what he said:

Marijuana can benefit several types of illnesses. (true)
Marijuana grows new brain cells. (yeah right)
Marijuana's side effects are negligible. (not even close)

I already spoke to the first topic, and agree that certain folks could benefit from the use of cannabis. Now I can promise that this stuff doesn't grow new brain cells. Simply sample the population of folks who use the drug regularly and compare them with people who have never used it. It's that simple. Marijuana's side effects are well documented and I have personally witnessed it ruin the life of someone very close to me. Easily acquired and recreationally used, marijuana cost my brother a legitimate shot at life; I am not saying he would have been the president but at least he could have had a chance. I also realize that it doesn't affect everyone this way, but it can do great harm to some people.

The other point that hurts these arguments is that it's a bunch of stoners who think they are going to be able to grow this stuff in their backyard for headaches or something. I believe marijuana could be legalized for certain uses if the groups pushing for legalization would narrow their focus and concentrate only on the people who actually NEED the benefits it provides. I would guess that two-thirds of the people I hear pushing for legalization simply end up ranting about something not relevant at all. For example the guy yesterday, who represents the American Medical Marijuana Association completely blew his chance at legitimacy by saying:

"The current government is afraid of legalizing marijuana because people who use it are much less likely to stand up and salute a flag and go fight a war because someone else told you to."


This guy was making really good points until he lit up his fatty and got diarrhea of the mouth coupled with loss of forethought. It's that kind of idiocy that will keep this drug off the shelves so to speak.
Pretty much he stated that:

A) People who use marijuana are too smart and enlightened to think that anyone might be able to better understand the needs of our country.
B) Only idiotic followers choose to serve in our military and/or support our government.

So really if you want marijuana legalized for the folks that can actually benefit from it, stop trying to get your own private stash legalized and focus on the medicinal value only.

Wicca (WifeSwap)

I admit it, last night I watched WifeSwap. That show is weird but it hooked me in pretty quick. One of the ladies was a very devout follower of Wicca. Going so far as to have a house elf conjured to clean her home. The house was, of course, filthy since there is no such thing as a house elf. The thing that struck me the most was that she was "homeschooling" her oldest daughter. This girl was learning NOTHING, I can't believe that lady didn't go to jail. She was teaching her child herbology and other nonsensical crap that would set her up for a career at McDonald's. I guess it's cool that freedom of religion allows you to choose what you want to worship. I would hope that before you decide you would do some non-biased research into your chosen religion.

Wicca was carved out of thin air in 1954 by a dude named Gerald Gardner. He does claim that the religion is much more ancient and was taught to him by Dafo or Old Dorothy. None of this can be independently verified at all. Dude was a laborer and liked to read about the occult, I think he planted rubber trees. Anyway, much research has been done and no one can verify anything older than the 1920's. Closely associated with witchcraft, they don't always intertwine, the lady last night thought she could do magic. Naturally nothing magic happened on TV. I once dislocated my arm playing intramural football on a military base. When I returned to work in great pain one of the Electronic Technicians came up and offered to "heal" me. I asked her what she meant by that and she whispered "I am a witch." I said sure fix me up and she began to mumble some crap and rubbed something between her hands then put her hands on my injury. Nothing happened of course and the problem was apparently the "energy in the room."

So be Wiccan if you want but I did my own research and it ain't for me, and don't come yapping about how it's older than any other religion. I have noticed lately that people tend to only use research by people heavily invested in their own way of thinking, this is never a good idea. You will, of course, hear only what you want and not get the facts. In particular I noticed this on Mancow this morning with a dude talking marijuana up. I am saving that for later today or tomorrow though.

The Miami 7 "Terrorists" (losers)

These guys are lame! It's unfortunate that they would turn their back on their own country and actively try to do harm to Americans; thank goodness they were too stupid to buy their own shoes.

For me the funniest part was how some of the parents are defending their children. Claiming that they are "good Christian men" and saying this is all fabricated. I promise the government has better things to do than find seven losers in Miami and frame them for something like this, plus who could make this crap up? This goes to show how many parents have absolutely no idea about their kids lives. Parents are observing their children from a distance and aren't actively involved in their lives. Being a whacked out Islam extremist doesn't happen overnight.

I have heard some folks wanting to claim entrapment for these morons so let me real quick clear up what that is. Entrapment is where the Law Enforcement or Government Agency induces, or causes you, to commit a crime. This means you would not have done anything wrong if you had been left alone. CLEARLY not the case here, these jackasses had laundry lists of third grade plans to terrorize the nation. No one did that for them.
Attention Miami 7; Bubba and the boys at the federal prison are looking forward to your arrival.

P.S. I hope the ACLU also sues them for not being more racially diverse as they built their regime. Why can't a white guy get in this club?

African Bushmen Dieting Secret (Hoodia)

Let's start with this, Americans are fat because we eat too much. It's plain and simple for the majority. There are a select few, very few, that have uncontrollable glandular problems and they actually have no control over their weight. Most people simply stuff too much crap in their cake holes and lead sedentary lives which results in being fat. Once you have made your stomach larger by overeating it then requires good discipline and self control to get things back under control, something Americans also lack.

I saw on CNN that African Bushmen have some dieting secret, the secret for these African dudes is they don't have as much food as we do! It's not some miraculous appetite suppressant, there is no McDonald's in the desert. If Americans had to actually hunt, kill, and prepare our own food half of us would starve inside a year.

By the way, it's cool with me if you're fat I don't care. I just don't want to hear the excuses and the gimmicks anymore.

WMD found in Iraq?

Apparently some chemical weapons have been discovered during the course of the war in Iraq. A report that was declassified yesterday reveals some of the details; click here to read the Fox News article, and click here to read the actual report.
WMD was never the issue for me anyway, I stand with the President on his choice to liberate Iraq from the rule of a tyrannical dictator. You can only make your best decision with the intelligence in hand at any given moment. Regardless of stockpiles of munitions, Saddam needed to go. Apparently Iran and North Korea are itching to get in that line now. I wonder how insane hateful people like President Ahmadinejad and President Kim Jong Il achieve office. These guys are incredibly dangerous.

American Civil Liberties Union (sucks)

The young lady pictured above is Brittany McComb. Here is her story:

Brittany McComb was the valedictorian at Foothill High School recently. She graduated with a 4.7 GPA. She earned the right to address the other graduates at Foothill, located in Henderson, Nevada.

She gave a copy of her graduating speech to the school administrators. It contained some Biblical references and even mentioned (one time) the name “Christ.” The school administrators censored some of the Biblical references. They also censored the single reference to Christ.

Then the school officials handed the speech over to the ACLU for approval and/or more censoring. After getting the OK from the ACLU, Brittany’s speech (minus the censored references to the Bible and Christ) was approved. Brittany was warned that if she deviated from the ACLU approved language, her mike would be cut off.

Then came the moment for the big decision. She would not bow down, she decided. She would go with her original version. She stepped to the mike and began her speech. But just before she could utter the name “Christ,” her mike went dead. School officials silenced her. The crowd of 400 jeered for several minutes, angry at the action of the school officials. The ACLU was happy. They had silenced another Christian.

“I went through four years of school at Foothill and they taught me logic and they taught me freedom of speech. God’s the biggest part of my life. Just like other valedictorians thank their parents, I wanted to thank my lord and savior,” Brittany said.

Because she refused to bow down to the ACLU’s idol of gold, she did not get her wish. She was censored.

This young heroine deserves praise and a thank you from those who believe in free speech.

If you would like to fact check you can read the local paper's article by clicking here. If you would like to sign her petition, click here.

Miami Heat NBA Champs (Dwayne Wade)

Last Night I watched a bit of the game between the Dallas Mavericks and the Miami Heat. Dallas looked great in the first quarter and appeared to be ready to force a seventh game. Then this guy takes over, again. I have watched few interviews with Dwayne Wade and he never seems arrogant or pretentious on camera. Likewise he does not play selfishly allowing other players with the open look to shoot rather than forcing his game. I was really impressed watching him play and can certainly see why he is so highly touted. He averaged 40 points during the playoffs and contributed greatly in the rebounding department. Needless to say I was very impressed with him and his game.

Wade is also among the American Christian adults who tithe, according to the Sun Sentinel in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Wade gave 10% of his $2.6 million salary this season to the Blood Water & the Spirit Ministry on South Prairie Avenue on Chicago's southside. Wade was a tither before he started playing in the NBA.

I think that's cool too. All of this from a 6'4" 212 lb player, well under the NBA average of 6'7". Congratulations to the Miami Heat on their first NBA Championship.

Father's Day 2006

I heard a story yesterday that challenged me , it went like this:

" Down in Sulphur Louisiana there is a grave unlike any I have seen in all my years. There is a grave for an 8 year old girl with a small children's playhouse built on top of it. The father of this young lady was a construction worker who worked very hard to provide for his family. He was never aloof and spent the time he could, when he wasn't exhausted, with his family. When his daughter was 6 years old she asked her daddy if it wouldn't be too much trouble could he build her a playhouse. He responded that he would be happy to do it, as soon as the job he was working on finished up. That job ran into the next project and soon his work projects began to overlap as they so often do with all of us. Two years later, the young girl was playing ball in her front yard with a friend when their ball rolled into the street. As she ran after the ball, she did not see the oncoming car that ended her earthly life in a fraction of a second. The father of this young girl could not be consoled by the countless well wishers that attended his daughter's funeral. Everyone told him what a wonderful girl she was, and that someday he would most certainly see her again in the Kingdom of Heaven. These things he knew and took comfort in that knowledge, yet nothing could take the burden he felt in his heart that he had let his little girl down by never building her a playhouse as she had asked. The same evening of her burial he took the needed materials to the cemetery and built her the playhouse she had always wanted.
Too little, too late."

The moral of the story for fathers, and mothers, is that your time is now. Your child or children will be different from one day to the next and you will never have that time again. We are all busy, and we should always try hard to provide for our families but the one thing we can never earn more of is time.

It reminds of a time when I was visiting with one of my old Navy buddies and I began to complain about some inconsequential fact of life. He looked across the bed of his truck and said " You have everything." How very humbling that moment was for me, and something I will never forget.

Enjoy your children today.

Psa 127:3	Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Psa 127:4	Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth.
Psa 127:5	How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed When they speak with their enemies in the gate.

Funny Joke (Ebaumsworld)

Stolen From:
Home Remedies
-------------------------

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of
boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost
instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply
using the sink.

4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while,
thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be
afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the toothache.

8. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

9. AND..... Sometimes we just need to remember what The Rules of Life really are: You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.

10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

11. And finally... Be really good to your family and friends. You never know
when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

Fun at Wal-Mart

Let's face it, we all love and hate Wal-Mart. We love the fact that we can go in there and find what we need at probably an unbeatable price. We hate that we will be standing behind ten shirtless dudes who don't bathe as we check out in the 2 open lanes out of 40. That said here are some fun things you can try next time you are stuck in a Wal-Mart. I got this in an e-mail and just changed the format a bit.

Take boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.

Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

Walk up to an employee and told her in an official tone "Code 3 in housewares"...and watch what happens.

Go to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

Move a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

When a clerk asks if they can help you, he begins to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

Look right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme song.

In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

Hide in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yell "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO!"It's those voices again!

Go into a fitting room,shut the door and wait awhile; then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

Personal Space

A few days ago my wife was shopping with all THREE of my children, no small task, when a stranger noticed the baby. This lady rushed towards my wife dropping all of her food items and practically yelling "Ohhhhh, let me hold him!" Uh, Heck no! Is this a southern thing or do people everywhere feel completely comfortable snatching up someone else's newborn? If I offer him to someone I am comfortable with that, but if I don't know you then please stay away. To that woman's credit, he is the cutest kid that has ever been born so naturally everyone does want to hold him.

Political Correctness

I got this in an e-mail today:

***IMPORTANT NOTICE***
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans, North Carolinians, Virginians and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES."

You must now refer to us as

APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

Thank you!

Now if you'll excuse me, I got possums to fry...

Throwing Stones

Yesterday I had the privilege of watching folks stand inside a glass house and throw stones at another person. I have never seen anything like that in my life. Lately I have observed these people wanting several things, but being unwilling to take on the burden themselves. I think that's total crap. These people want a great social club that's run for them without expending much effort themselves.
In general, I am tired of lazy people who want someone else to fix their problems. It reminds me of when I played sports as a younger man. When I played team sports, like football, there was always one guy on the team that would blame other people for anything that went wrong, even if it was clearly his fault. When I played individual sports, like wrestling, there really weren't a whole lot of people I could blame if things didn't go well.

House tour

For my friends and family that live far from us, I made this:

New Movie (Facing the Giants)

I was reading yesterday in this article how this movie was given a PG rating because it is overtly Christian. That's too bad. I went and watched the trailer at http://www.facingthegiants.com/ and the movie really looks great.
I can say that several times in my own life I have wanted to give into fear and that I certainly never got myself through anything. There were a couple of times in the early 90's when I was positive I was going to die, and only God was there for me. More recently I have struggled in some of my leadership positions just trying to do the best that I can and feeling like my best is not good enough for anybody. It's times like those that I have to lean on Him and Fear Not!

Disgrace the Uniform

I read today that First Lieutenant Ehren Watada will refuse his orders to go to Iraq saying that he does not feel compelled to fight in war against a country that did nothing to us. Additionally, he said that he doesn't want to lead his men into combat since he has seen so many families torn apart.

You sir are a disgrace to the United States of America and the United States Army. You swore to support and defend the constitution of the United States against all enemies both foreign and domestic AND to obey the orders of those appointed over you. Your men will be lead by someone else, preferably someone with a pair; you are not preventing them from having to go anywhere. You are simply going to be court martialed and jailed where you can rest easy knowing you won't see any combat.


You should have done your time then resigned your commission OR you should have never signed up for ROTC just for the free scholarship. Good luck in the pokey chicken man.

Dumb People

CNN published the results of the GMAC insurance driving test. I have to say, having traveled quite a bit, I agree with what I read. I guess my opinion is a little skewed because I did learn to drive in Oregon.

Average: 83.7 percent

1. Oregon 90.6

2. Washington 88.2

3. Vermont 87.5

4. Idaho 87.3 (Tie)

4. South Dakota 87.3 (Tie)

6. Montana 87.2

7. Nebraska 87.0

8. Kansas 86.8

9. Iowa 86.7

10. Wyoming 86.2

11. Wisconsin 86.1

12. Minnesota 86.0

13. Alaska 85.8

14. California 85.6

15. Indiana 85.2 (Tie)

15. Colorado 85.2 (Tie)

17. Michigan 85.1

18. North Dakota 85.0

19. West Virginia 84.8

20. Utah 84.5

21. Mississippi 84.4

22. Illinois 84.3

23. Tennessee 84.2

24. Texas 84.0 (Tie)

24. Kentucky 84.0 (Tie)

26. New Hampshire 83.9

27. Arkansas 83.8

28. Virginia 83.5

29. Arizona 83.4

30. Georgia 83.2 (Tie)

30. Louisiana 83.2 (Tie)

32. North Carolina 83.1 (Tie)

32. Maine 83.1 (Tie)

34. Ohio 83.0

35. Oklahoma 82.9

36. Alabama 82.8

37. Missouri 82.7 (Tie)

37. Delaware 82.7 (Tie)

39. Nevada 82.6

40. South Carolina 82.3 (Tie)

40. Florida 82.3 (Tie)

42. Pennsylvania 82.1

43. New Mexico 81.5

44. Connecticut 80.9

45. Hawaii 80.7

46. Maryland 79.5

47. New York 79.4

48. New Jersey 78.6 (Tie)

48. Massachusetts 78.6 (Tie)

50. Washington, D.C. 76.5

51. Rhode Island 75.1

P.S. I am moving up in the Mconahey rankings.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

How dangerous is this guy? He says one day that Israel should be exterminated and that the holocaust is fiction, then tells everyone he is just enriching uranium to light his country. I must say that I, personally, am terribly frightened of this man. It should also be frightening that Russia and China seem to be ok with this dude. Those countries try to act above board when the world is focused on them, but they still concern me. By the way that is Mahmoud with the Syrian President Bashar Al-Assad, another really peaceful guy. I promise no one in that picture is wearing deodorant.

I wonder if the U.N. will acutally do anything besides their age old tactic of "Stop!" "Ok now stop!" "We really mean it, STOP!" "umm could you maybe stop doing that?" "Is there anyway we can help you?"

The FDA and their new mission

This article has some good and bad points. I will, of course, feel free to point out what I perceive to be the good and bad.

The good:

"We must take a serious look at the impact these foods are having on our waistlines," said Penelope Slade Royall, director of the health promotion office at the Department of Health and Human Services.

That is absolutely something that shoul dbe investigated, and I consider that a good study to be undertaken and reported on. Getting this type of information widely publicized and into the hands of this nation's people is a great idea.

The bad:

Consumer advocates increasingly have heaped some of the blame on restaurant chains like McDonald's, which bristles at the criticism while offering more salads and fruit....
The report encourages restaurants to shift the emphasis of their marketing to lower-calorie choices, and include more such options on menus. In addition, restaurants could jigger portion sizes and the variety of foods available in mixed dishes to cut calories

It's ridiculous to think that it's someone else's fault that you can't control your gob-hole. The bottom line is learning self control and moderation. I am not saying that is easy for everyone, but let's not blame the people who provide the food.

Holy ridiculous crap!

Now really, why did her sexuallity have to be stated? No one even cares about the romantic aspect of superheroes, this is obviously to get the "it's ok to be gay" message to young people. This is almost as stupid as the time they tried to make Superman a vegetarian. I take that back, this is much worse. There is truly no reason to state that Batwoman is gay other than to get that message into kids heads.
I have to say they did an excellent job making her look just like all they gay women I see, I can only assume that when she takes off her costume that she has a killer softball mullet and isn't quite so svelte. That observation is of course only based on the sampling of lesbians I have encountered, not to say it's a requirement to look that way to be gay.

Movie Review (Failure to Launch)

I hit the dollar theatre last night with my wife since my Mother-in-law was in town and could watch the girls. Because my son is still breastfed he went with us to the movie. When we walked in holding the carrier some jackass said "Oh great, a baby!" to which I replied "Oh great, a jackass!" and sat right in front of him. Turned out he ran his mouth more during the movie than the baby.

Now for the review, Matthew Mconahey (misspelled) is a 35 year old who still lives at home and Sarah Jessica Parker is a person who specializes in getting men like this to leave home. Ignoring the fact that you probably can't make a living doing this, the movie was excellent and had some tremendously funny parts. Every part was extremely well cast, and the "unknowns" really held their own on screen with the big names. Terry Bradshaw cannot act a lick but fit well in the father character role and has an exceptionally gut busting scene in which he bares his 57 year old body to the world. His natural self was well suited to the role. The "Alias guy" was fantastic and both of the other close friends also delivered great performances. For the ladies, Matt McConaughey bares his chest at least once or twice and is typically charming. For the dudes, I just don't see the attraction to Sarah Jessica Parker but she did a great job in her role as well.

I highly recommend this as a date movie, probably equally as good as a rental since the big screen doesn't offer any enhancement to most romantic comedies.

My Son