I am getting old

Last night I was watching Smallville, much like any other thursday, and during this episode there was a pivotal moment where Johnathan Kent dies. My oldest daughter came in and asked what I was watching, I said "This is one of the moments where Clark Kent decides to become Superman." She looked right back and said "Who is Superman?" I realized that if a six year old doesn't know who Superman is I have failed miserably. I will not make the same mistake with my next child. Anyway the show was great and I hope I get to see Superman sometime soon, if not Superman Returns should be out later this year. Did you know that at one point they made Clark/Superman, the son of a cattle farmer, a vegetarian?

Movie statistics

Lately I have been wondering how the "critics" choices of what is a good movie stack up with public opinion. It's so difficult to get an honest story out of the media these days you almost have to do the research yourself. I found a nice little website that seems to offer a pretty good breakdown. It doesn't get real granular with how many screens it was on, but you can get a general idea. It really is a good idea for me to go look and see how well some movies actually perform. It pretty much wasn't a surprise to see what does well and what doesn't.

Feminine ads on TV

Lately it seems that there are way too many feminine ads on tv. Every few minutes I am bombarded with ads about bloating, cramping, odor, bleeding, fungus, itching and general crotch rot. On one hand since I live in a house full of girls right now it should save me from having to explain this junk to my daughters; OTOH it sure ruins whatever snack I just prepared. I wonder if I could lobby to have this stuff played only during Oprah and on Lifetime.

Kudos to the Steelers

The Steelers D really stuck it to Denver, and that's no small task. The offense was great too and really played some very smart football. My Broncos couldn't get it going and the defense just did not execute. Denver's D had several opportunities to change the game and it just didn't happen. I think Jake made one real bad decision, but other than that he just had giant defenders in his pants. I personally would have stuck with the running game just a bit longer, and I would have used the Dayne/Anderson tandem vs Anderson/Bell. The main problem I saw with the Denver defense was that Larry Coyer was playing a very soft zone all day. I also saw that Lycnh, Williams and Foxworth were all limping the entire game. Rumor has it that Wile E. Coyote sprikled some ACME tacks on the home team sidelines. The main reason the offense was ineffective had to do with Gary Kubiak researching a new head coaching job on monster.com from the booth. I hope he does well down in Houston.
Now we just need these Steelers to go into Detroit and stick it to Seattle, I still don't think they are as good as they appear. SA certainly is, but one player can't win you the big one.

Linux Nerds will get this

Golden Globes/American Idol

So how does a movie that barely played in 2005 garner so many award nominations? Bareback Mountain is just getting pushed on its premise by Hollywood and other media outlets, that's ridiculous. I did enjoy watching Clint Eastwood hand out the award, he looked like he was going to puke. I can't blame him, he spent his life making decent cowboy flicks instead of whacked out weird crap. I should see the movie, but the whole humping cowboys thing just doesn't interest me.

American Idol started last night, the first three weeks of that show are perhaps the best entertainment on earth. Watching people who have never listened to their voice recorded is truly a pleasure. People know they sound different on video tape or an answering machine, but they seldom apply it to their singing. Before you audition please record your voice and listen or , for my benefit, don't so I can watch you get jacked on American Idol.

My Bugly friend the VelvetMantis ranted the other day about those stupid discount cards all the grocery stores use. I used to shop at Ingles because they were the last store to adopt them, now everyone has them. Besides tracking exactly what I buy, which seems worthless, what are these stupid plastic pieces of crap? I refuse to carry them with me since I have about 15 of them, and it makes my already overloaded keychain look ridiculous. I keep them on a separte keychain that sits in my truck until needed. The probelm arises when I forget that keychain, or I am in my wife's car. Normally the people at the store are sympathetic and give me the .023% discount I so richly deserve. Last week, for the first time, Food City decided to charge me the full price. It's not really about the money, it's the inconvenience of carrying the stupid things everywhere you go. We have got to organize a resistance to this crap and get rid of them once and for all.

Lastly, speaking of organized crap, the ACLU has decided to sue the President. Even if what he did was wrong I would side with him just becuase they got involved. The ACLU probably had some credibility about a decade ago, but really they are ridiculous now. They need to be stopped and we need to find a group that actually cares about equality, and not just lots of press. The only thing more ridiculous than the ACLU is Hillary Clinton and everyone who thinks she could be the President. There are probably 2 people in the country less qualified than her, and I am one of them. So far, she has won her seat with no competition and done nothing except talk badly about the white house or the opposing party. This does not impress me, stop telling me what everyone else is doing wrong and give me a plan that says how to do it the right way.

NFL Playoffs

The playoffs went exactly the way I had hoped. Denver is now the odds on favorite to win SuperBowl XL. Even though I am a loyal Denver fan, I must admit I wouldn't mind seeing Jerome Bettis win in his hometown of Detroit. Even with all of the mistakes on Saturday, I still think Tom Brady is as cool as Joe Montana and probably the best QB in the NFL.

I am positive that either AFC team can beat either NFC team, and Denver having homefield gives them the edge. The other thing that gives them the edge is that monster shot big Ben took to his right tricep on Sunday. Their offense is firing on all cylinders but seems to wear down quickly over the course of the game, even with the now typical running back rotation.

Once again Peyton Manning displayed his inability to win the big game. I think that guy is an offensive genius and knows more about football than most coaches, but for some reason when the game is on his shoulders he cannot handle the pressure. Starting to point fingers at offensive lineman is a fantastic way to get your bell rung by some pass rushers.

Chicago rested their hopes squarely on Rex Grossman which is completely unfair to that young man and even more absurd based on the history of Spurrier-coached quarterbacks in the NFL. He's talented but certainly not capable of carrying a team.

Carolina looks amazing, and if they can shut down the best player in the NFL, Shaun Alexander, they will beat Seattle. Carolina is a complimentary group of guys that play well as a team, and Seattle needs Alexander to beat them. Even with Mr. Underrated, DeShaun Foster, gone with a broken ankle they can take Seattle. They have Nick Goings one of the biggest white boys in football as their reserve RB.

I pick Denver vs Carolina in the SuperBowl with Denver winning by less than 10.
Check my Yahoo 360 blog for this weekend's movie review.

Celebrity/World news

Some celeb headlines for today:
Chesney, Zellweger Remain 'Friends'

Gwyneth Paltrow Confirms Pregnancy

NEW YORK (AP) -- Brad Pitt did not call Jennifer Aniston to tell her about girlfriend Angelina Jolie's pregnancy announcement, entertainment TV show "Extra" reported Thursday.

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Former "Baywatch" star David Hasselhoff filed for divorce Thursday from actress Pamela Bach, his wife of 16 years.

MOUNT CLEMENS, Michigan (AP) -- Slim Shady and his ex are going to get married again.

I can't imagine how this garbage is news. Possibly eight people actually give a crap about this stuff outside of the entertainment world.

More fantsatic headlines as of late:

(CNN) -- Tehran is threatening to block inspections of its nuclear sites if a dispute over its atomic activity is sent to the U.N. Security Council.

TEHRAN, Iran (CNN) -- Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has described the Holocaust as "a myth" and suggested that Israel be moved to Europe, the United States, Canada or Alaska.

This is Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, I am pretty sure he wants the world to try and kill him. I cannot figure out what is wrong with this guy.

Why can't people drive?

I don't like the language in this, but I totally agree wiht this guy. I am tired of all the NASCAR wannabe types, cell phone idiots and speeders. Those laws are there for a reason quit honking at me and passing when you shouldn't. Overly agressive idiots:

Stop driving like a maniac. Nobody is impressed.

"Too many people think they're good drivers because they drive like lunatics and usually get away with it. They take corners too fast, tailgate for no reason, accelerate all over the place, and do every other "daring" stunt that drivers can make. When I say, "Dude, slow the hell down." They condescendingly reply, "Haha, are you scared, man? Haha. Naw man, don't be scared, I'm a good driver." No. Shut up. You're not a "good driver." You have no idea what you're doing. A good driver doesn't make me grab the Oh Crap! bar every twenty seconds. Just chill the hell out. We're not in a rush. Slow down and realize that old ladies crossing roads have relatives that care about them.

There are two types of good drivers - people who understand that they are not exempt from traffic laws, and people that actually know what they're doing behind a wheel, which nobody does. They think they do, but they don't. It's gotten to the point where everyone who can floor the gas and stay between the two lines is a NASCAR racer. There is actually a skill to driving, and it's beyond cramming your foot into the pedal. Nobody is impressed that you can floor the gas. It's really not that hard to do.

The "floor the gas" trick is a pretty easy one to pull off. Another trick that's equal in difficulty is called "roll over and play dead." It looks something like this:

I've been in two major accidents in my life. Both were caused by adolescent females trying to be hardcore just so they could get me in the sack. Instead, everyone ended up in a hospital bed, which doesn't work too well for sex. Lucky for them, I'm immortal. I hate people. After those two wrecks, I've learned my lesson. Now I just don't drive with girls. However, there was this one time I was driving on the highway with a girl who was talking on her cellphone with one hand, leaning on the other, and steering with her leg. That pissed me off so much, I jerked the wheel, pressed the seat eject button, and launched out of the car in time to watch that robot from the ski game gobble her up before the car ran off the road at 80mph and exploded into dust. Fuckin' robot, always counting all my coup.

The most common thing people tell me when I call them a bad driver is, "I'm a good driver, I've never been in a wreck!" It doesn't matter if you've never caused an accident. Dying in an car wreck is not a chronic, progressive disease. It's not like 5 wrecks give you a headache and 20 wrecks kills you. It only takes one accident to kill everyone in the car. So what if you've been driving for 2 years or 10 years, that wreck is coming, and when it does, nobody will have sympathy or attend your funeral. They will simply say, "That idiot had it coming."

Does being a safe driver make a person a wuss? I don't know. Maybe. But before making a character judgement about someone because of their conservative driving habits, let's put things into perspective:

Deaths by Firearms in US 1990 2,406 1991 1,441 1992 1,409 1993 1,441 1994 1,356 1995 1,224 1996 1,134 1997 981 1998 866 1999 824 2000 776 2001 800 2002 820 2003 912

Deaths by Terrorism in US 1990 0 1991 0 1992 0 1993 6 1994 0 1995 168 1996 0 1997 0 1998 0 1999 0 2000 0 2001 2,801 2002 0 2003 0

Americans who died in car wrecks 1990 46,814 1991 43,536 1992 40,982 1993 41,893 1994 42,524 1995 43,363 1996 43,649 1997 43,458 1998 43,501 1999 42,401 2000 43,354 2001 43,700 2002 44,000 2003 45,320

Tailgating is the worst. If there is a car in front of you that you cannot pass, tailgating it won't get you to your destination any quicker. Tailgating would be okay if it were possible for cars to diffuse through eachother. Unfortunately, God has left osmosis to amoebas and what not. Amoebas are sweet. I can't wait to become an amoeba."

Movie Reviews

I have decided to review a few movies I have seen recently and even some I haven't. If my rating scale confuses you please stop breathing.
I have seen:
Snow Dogs: sucks, maybe little kids would like it.
Chicken Little: see above
Master and Commander: does not suck, Russell Crowe still sucks.
The Man in the Iron Mask: does not suck, Leonardo DiCaprio still sucks.
Red Planet: does not suck, decent movie.

I haven't seen:
The Book of Daniel(tv): sucks, no one has that many problems.
Brokeback (bareback) Mountain: completely sucks, the premise alienates me.
The Chronicles of Narnia: won't suck
Transporter 2: won't suck

Trusty sidekick problem resolved

I have needed a sidekick in my quest to vanquish evil and find the remote control for some time now. After interviewing several candidates and making no headway I decided to create my own. In June I will be a father for the third time, only this time there won't be a sweet pretty little girl joining us, it's a boy! He should be able to help hold the couch on the floor during football season in the years to come.

Be safe in 2006

It's been a rough few weeks of vacationing and time off. I am still faced with the challenge of observing several college football games but I will prevail. My rigorous training regimen of snack foods and long periods of sitting on multiple types of couches and chairs is paying off during the playoff/bowl season. Please do not attempt this type of behavior without first consulting your physician, I am a trained superhero.

That said it was good to return to the world of work and once again don my disguise as a computer nerd struggling to survive in his field. It is here that I find my most rewarding roles and challenges. Perhaps later this week I will begin hunting those elusive after Christmas bargains. They are sneaky, but they are out there.