Three Men

The Three Funerals

Did anybody happen to notice the other day, the picture God painted for us as we watched the events of the day unfold on every news station around the world. The portrait of three men's lives shown clearly through the events of their deaths. One a wise man, one a foolish man and one a wicked man.

Three men captured the world's attention by their lives and their deaths. Their funerals spoke volumes about the course of life they had chosen to pursue with the few short years God had granted to them. Yesterday, God opened the Book of Proverbs and showed the world the truths contained in His sacred Word.

All three men, President Ford, James Brown and Saddam Hussein had choices in their destiny. Today they have all three stood in front of the God of this universe with those choices unveiled and judged.

God allowed us to see three men yesterday.

President Gerald Ford, a man whose faith in God and service to his country was eulogized by many speakers during the solemn and dignified ceremonies which marked his passing. A man of character and integrity, not perfect but made righteous by his faith in Jesus Christ. It was in this righteousness he lived out his life as a servant to his fellowman and his country. Great men and dignitaries attended his funeral. All coming to pay respect and honor to a man most deserving.

James Brown also was eulogized in a funeral ceremony befitting his life choices. There was blaring rock music, gyrating bodies, costumes, and great sensual displays of revelry to portray the contribution this man had given through his life to his fellowman. He lived a life of drugs, alcohol, immorality and rock music. He was heralded the father of Rap music and the inspiration of Michael Jackson's greatness. His funeral with all of it's theatrics was befitting the excess of waste his life portrayed.

Then we had the gruesome hanging of Saddam Hussein. His death as gory as his life. A brutal murderer and dictator, hung by his neck and secreted away in the middle of the night to an unmarked grave. Thousands of Iraqis celebrated his death for through his life he had brought untold misery and death to many. A man so wicked that it seemed the world breathed a collective sigh of relief at the pronouncement of his death.

Three men--three men who left their mark on the entire world, three famous men. All three have now stood before their Creator to answer for the choices they made in their life as you and I will someday.

There is only one choice and Gerald Ford's life exemplifies the nobility of choosing to walk in harmony with The Creator through the acceptance of Jesus Christ as his Redeemer.

James Brown choose to walk in the flesh. His life's work glorified the flesh and his death magnified the flesh.

Saddam Hussein choose evil. He was a narcissistic megalomaniac. His life glorified evil and his death was gruesome.

This all played out in one day. God painted a great picture for mankind to see. I pray people got His message.

H.I.N. pt7

Yesterday Dude7 agreed to send a cleaning crew to my house this morning to clean my house. Additionally, he sent Dude8, who is the replacement for Dude3, to my house last night to inspect the work. Dude8 had just driven in from a vacation in SC with his family and I felt bad that he was having to deal with me on this. He was shocked by out time line and some of the events. Again I was asked "why didn't we just fix this?" He caught himself and asked the best question I could have hoped to hear; "Captain Dude, what do you want us to do for you right now?"

We are providing Dudes 7 and 8 with a time line of events, a list of how customers are inconvenienced in these situations, and a process improvement document since we don't feel it's fair to complain if you don't have a better solution.

Goodbye to a friend

Yesterday morning my good friend, worship leader, youth minister and associate pastor resigned his position(s) at our church. I have know for quite awhile that he was leaving and although I am excited about this new opportunity for his family to witness to a new community and church, that doesn't take away the pain of my brother leaving.

H.I.N. pt6

Friday, keep in mind we have not been staying in our home since there is currently no kitchen, I stopped by and saw that all of my new tile was laid. Dude2 was coming back on Saturday to grout and clean before sealing the grout on Monday. I went over Saturday afternoon and saw immediately that the spacing of my new tile is completely haphazard at the entrance to the kitchen. UNREAL! The tile, although no longer cracked, looks MUCH worse now than it did previously. There are also a few tiles that are 1/4" above the adjacent tile. Beyond that crap, Dude2 said he "cleaned" the whole floor. It looks like he took a hand towel and smeared the dust all over the room. The bottle of grout sealant says the grout must be clean and dry before applying. I borrowed a mop and bucket from my church and started cleaning when my wife and I decided we should not have to be doing any of this. I plan to phone Chick2 and have her come look at the mess today. We were originally quoted 4-5 days for the entire 900 square foot job; it has now been seven days for 250 square feet and no end in sight. I want my money back, several plasma TVs, and new appliances. I called Dude2 yesterday and told him not to bother coming this morning since the floor cannot be sealed in its current state. I will update this post later today with their reactions.

UPDATE! I spoke with Chick2 who has the flu but was at work. She seemed concerned and wanted to come see what I was talking about. I get a call back from the latest installed sales manager, Dude6, who confirms an 1100 appointment. I headed home at 1100 to meet Chick2, Chick1, and Dude6. BIG SHOCKER, Chick2 does not come and instead sent only her two flunkies who have been screwing this up for months. My wife told them they could not come in and we sent them packing. After a lengthy telcon with the corporate 1-800 number that involved pleading, crying, screaming and begging we were finally told the district manager's name, Dude7, and that he worked at the store nearest our home. I ran to that store to talk to him, while my wife stayed at home being assured that Dude7 would call her within thirty minutes. Come to find out their standard practice is a 48 hour turnaround for a call back. What company in their right minds thinks 48 hours is acceptable once something has escalated to that level. ANYWAY no on eat the store will actually introduce me to Dude7 but he did call while I was standing in his store and wanted a situation report. I summed up and he said he would send the Area Installed Sales Manager to my house TOMORROW! I told him I didn't need a flooring expert to come and tell me my house was a wreck, and that the tile looks like ass. I need someone with the power to get my house back to "normal" and give me my freakin' money. I also asked what I was supposed to do for day number 8 that my entire downstairs was covered in dust with all furniture sitting in my garage, also covered in dust, and all my appliances in the living room. He didn't know. After some more explaining he is sending someone to clean our ductwork today. I suppose that's a start.

H.I.N. pt5

Yesterday, 01/10/07, I learned that when you complain to Generic home improvement center's corporate headquarters they simply ask the local store to contact you. What a freakin' waste. In response to my letter from yesterday I received a call from yet another store manager, Chick2. I asked Chick2 who she was, since I had been dealing with a different "store manager", Dude6, for the past year. "Oh, he is the operation manager." What the hell does that mean? Really when you ask to speak to the manager isn't that who you should get, or should you have to know every companies insider proprietary lingo? Anyway, I tell Chick2 where we stand. Her installer shows up when he wants, and the store doesn't seem to care that our house is filthy and who will be cleaning it. To give her some perspective I told her that when the original complaint was initiated we were a happy family of four, and my wife was not pregnant. We are now a happy family of five with a 7 month old, stunned silence and then this question. "Why didn't we just fix it right away?" Really?!?!?! What am I supposed to say to her? I told her it's her store and her company so I didn't feel qualified to answer that. She did eventually capitulate and agree to pay to have my house, including the duct work, cleaned.

Progress made I suppose.

H.I.N. pt4

My letter:

I wanted to write and update the corporate offices of my flooring situation. Initially the tile work was supposed to be redone last week, Week of January 1, but the installer injured his hand and could not fulfill his obligation. While this is understandable we had arranged to be with out most of our downstairs, including our kitchen, for that week and had also arranged for places to stay since that is the majority of our home. My only real complaint with that was that Generic home improvement center had the installer call us instead of being accountable for that person, but that issue is past and resolved with the in-store people. It became apparent when speaking with the installer that he had little knowledge about the project as well, and had no idea of the square footage he may be working on, this gave us a bit of concern and has also been resolved. Yesterday, 01/07/07, the delivery truck arrived with the materials for the installer to begin work today. We noted immediately that there was no 1/2" hardibacker and no baseboards which we were told would be installed. What happened is the original order in 2005 was not correct and had to be fixed then adding an additional day for install. It appears that incorrect initial order was replicated for this reinstall instead of taking the time to get it right. Chick1 took extraordinary pains to try and accommodate us and do things right, but follow-through as things left her hands has been less than impressive.

I am confident that these two issues will be resolved and that the inconvenience we are experiencing throughout this lengthy process will net a properly installed tile floor. I chose Generic home improvement center for this job because I have had carpet installed by your biggest home improvement competitor and the customer service and experience was many times worse than this. As stated in a previous e-mail my home needs numerous small to large improvements over the next five years. These include but are not limited to a new deck, new patio doors, new refrigerator, major kitchen remodel, new washer/dryer, and new interior blinds. Generic home improvement center has been our store of choice in the past; however, this experience has been anything but pleasant. While Generic home improvement center has honored, or is in the process of honoring, the warranty on their product I cannot stress enough the amount of inconvenience this has caused my family and me. We purposely held a mortgage on two homes so that the current house could be vacant during the initial installation, now we have to greatly disrupt our daily home schooling routine as well as our evenings for 4-5 days. We have a 7 month old baby, born in the midst of all of this negotiation and hassle, and my wife is recovering from surgery that has hampered her ability to lift and move anything over 10 lbs for several weeks. Speaking with the Delivery driver, Dude2, yesterday he stated that "99.9% of the time we get it perfect." I truly believe that is the case based on the outstanding service given us by the managers as far as they were able. The main problem, in my estimation, has been employee turnover in the installed sales department and the "telephone game" problem of passing instructions verbally. Your time and attention to this matter is greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Captain Dude

UPDATE: No response to the above letter, my entire home is covered in dust, and as of 1030 on 01/10/07 the installer has not showed up or called. This sucks completely!

H.I.N. pt3

More updates for Tuesday. One of the reasons it took so long to get this party started was determining the cause of my ceramic floors cracking.

The first area manager, Dude3, said I had a crowning floor joist problem because there was no vapor barrier under my kitchen. I then asked Dude3 how come no other floor joists were crowning as there is no vapor barrier anywhere under my home; additionally I asked why the crack were 36" apart, the width of hardibacker board, and not 16" on center like floor joists would be. Stunned silence, and Dude3 is no longer employed by Generic home improvement center.

A representative from HardiBacker, Dude4, finally came to my home in October made me sign about twenty release forms and chipped up two tiles in my kitchen. He determined that since the HardiBacker piece seams had not been taped, faulty installation, that this was the reason the tile was cracking. Generic home improvement center then decides to fix all tile in my home and not just the kitchen area since it is likely that all HardiBacker seams are not taped.

Sunday, 01/07/07, the delivery truck arrives with only 1/4" HardiBacker. Two-thirds of my home's tiel flooring is on 1/2" Hardi and only the kitchen is on 1/4". Once again I am placed in a day long waiting loop to correct this problem. Tuesday, generic home improvement center's delivery department calls me at 1430 to say they are "coming over to replace that pallet of 1/4" with 1/2" HardiBacker." I called back and told Dude5 that I only need 29 sheets of 1/2" and it's not an even exchange of one pallet for another. This sparks a barrage of questions for me as if I am qualified to answer contractor or flooring questions. I happily told Dude5 to figure it out himself. The reason I have no patience for Dude5 is the Dude2, the installer, has now determined that the kitchen installation was done on top of "floating linoleum." I will stop at this point and explain the physics of a ceramic tile installation.

In a house with wooden joists and plywood sub-flooring, those surface are prone to expansion and contraction and possibly some additional movement as the material ages and settles. The HardiBacker is fastened to the sub-flooring with screws, they used nails in mine, so that it essentially "becomes" the sub-floor. HardiBacker is a semi-porous material that allows the next component of the installation to soak into its surfaces, the same can be said for the backside or downward facing side of a piece of ceramic tile. Thinset is a type of mortar/adhesive That soaks partially into the HardiBacker and partially into the back of the ceramic tile. The goal is to make the Sub-floor, HardiBacker and tile become one solid piece throughout the installation. This way when your wooden sub-flooring swells, contracts or moves with settling the entire new floor moves as one unit. This is very important since wood will flex and move while ceramic tile will not. The point was that if the different pieces of HardiBacker were not taped together they could move in different direction with their respective pieces of sub-flooring. Sounds good to me, I don't care, fix my floor! Skip to Today when Dude2 uses the phrase "floating linoleum." When this type of floor is installed a 1/4" piece of plywood is tacked to your existing sub-floor and then the linoleum is jut rolled out and cut to fit. It isn't glued down and is only attached at the edges. The "float" is to allow the linoleum to flex, expand and contract with either the sub-floor or temperature changes. This, in theory, greatly increases the longevity of the linoleum by preventing stretching and cracking. Also, this is apparently VERY BAD to install ceramic tile on top of due to the aforementioned reason of attaching something inflexible to something that is very flexible.

Dude2 is also having GREAT DIFFICULTY separating the tile/HardiBacker from the sub-flooring while his daughter, Chick2, is easily peeling it off of the linoleum. He asks me if it would be ok to just do the kitchen and patch the hole he made, about 7 square feet, in the living room. Well how the hell would I know? I just want my floor fixed and I don't want to rest to crack. Another call by to Generic home improvement center to determine the best course of action and find out if we can get some extra warranty in case we do decide to only fix the kitchen. While you were reading this, I was drafting another letter to Generic home improvement center's corporate office. It will be posted tomorrow.

H.I.N. pt.2

So the e-mail in the previous post got results and in November Chick1 got authorization from Corporate to "make it right." Skip to January 07 as that is the earliest we could get a contractor on site to perform the job.

Yesterday the contractor, Dude2, showed up to survey the job he was hired to perform. He lives about an hour away and noticed immediately that he had not been informed that he was replacing about 800 square ft. of tile. He was under the impression that he would be doing only our kitchen. He also noted that the materials sent by Generic home improvement center were both incomplete and inadequate to do the job correctly. He left to go to the store to "Get our ducks in a row." I like Dude2, he seems very concerned with re-doing this job correctly no matter the cost to Generic home improvement center. No work was performed Monday as he was not prepared for the scope of the job.

Tuesday, it is snowing lightly here and Dude2 wants to go home for the day because "The roads might ice over." Southerners kill me with this crap. They cannot drive the speed limit when roads are dry, instead choosing to go absolutely as fast as possible. Any hint of rain or snow and they cannot drive at all for some reason.

Stay tuned!

Home "Improvement" Nightmare

Here is the first act of my current drama.

October 29, 2006

To: Generic home improvement center Corporate Management

From: Captain Dude

Subject: Defective installation of ceramic tile

After months of seeking resolution regarding a defective installation of ceramic tile purchased through the installed sales department of your store Somewhere in Knoxville, Tennessee, I feel it is necessary to seek your intervention.

The tile was installed in the great room, kitchen, and master bath in a seven year old home we purchased in May of 2005. The first cracks appeared in the kitchen in August of 2005. After several visits to the home by the installed sales manager, Dude1 and various representatives of the contracted flooring company, we were told that the cracks were isolated and that it was best to just patch the long cracks on the grout lines and overlook the tiles which were cracked at corners. Matching grout was unavailable and therefore the “repair” was unsightly and looked quite like a band-aid on a sore. Because it had taken so many phone calls and visits to the house during my wife’s pregnancy, we were simply weary of dealing with the situation by the time the grout was patched in the spring of 2006 (MONTHS after we initiated the complaint). We then brought up the issue of warranty, because of the fear that the underlying problem had not been solved, but we were assured by Dude1 that since the complaint had been initiated during the warranty period that any related trouble would be covered. Even though we were displeased with the looks of the patching, we chose not to pursue this issue during the arrival of a new baby.

In August of 2006, it became obvious that the cracks were not isolated, as the tiles started cracking in four different places (some are long, extending through up to nine tiles). We immediately called Dude1, but were told that he had been replaced by Chick1. She came to inspect the floor on August 18^th, and assured us that she would take care of it. One of our major concerns is that the kitchen is adjacent to the great room. The tile in the great room is fine, but the rooms must match, so Chick1 said she would investigate whether or not or tile was still available. Two weeks later Chick1 returned with the district manager of installed sales. For the sake of efficiency, I will simply tell you that we were told that since the tile was cracking over ¼ inch backer board, and that the manufacturer of that backer board guaranteed tile jobs on their ¼ inch that it would be necessary to involve a representative from Hardi (the adjacent 25 foot great room was installed over ½ inch board and there are no cracks in it).

Other than to be told over the phone by Chick1 in early September that it appeared our tile could still be obtained and then told on September 27^th that the Hardi representative should be available the week of October 9^th to inspect our tile (he then wasn’t), no progress has been made. Every time my wife or I call to speak with Chick1, she is friendly and concerned, but it appears her hands are tied regarding the resolution of this issue.

As we communicated to Chick1 and her district manager, this was a huge investment in our home; it was chosen as permanent flooring, which would increase the value of our home. It is very important to us to have the situation remedied as soon as possible. The cracks are a daily inconvenience, as we have a baby in a walker that we must keep away from the cracked areas and because my wife has to avoid the areas when mopping.

Additionally, this situation has delayed other home improvement projects on our agenda. We need to replace a large deck, install enclosed blinds on the patio doors, and upgrade our blinds throughout the house. As a Generic home improvement center credit cardholder, my wife would prefer to patronize Generic home improvement center for these projects, but we are uncomfortable making a large purchase at Generic home improvement center until the situation with our tile has been rectified.

Anything you can do to help Chick1 expedite this matter would be greatly appreciated.

Their response was :

Replied On 11/2/2006 10:37:24 AM

Dear Captain Dude:

Thank you for contacting Generic home improvement center and sharing your experience with us.

We have forwarded your e-mail to your local store management to make them aware of the situation. They will contact you within 24 hours.

Please contact us by replying to this e-mail if you have additional questions or comments.


Thank you,
Chick2
Generic home improvement center Customer Care
Received On 11/02/06 09:13:09

More to follow!

Movie Review (Rocky Balboa)

Everyone should see this movie. It's not really about boxing, more about self and accountability.

Stallone knocked it out of the park this time with both the script and his acting. The scene outside the restaurant with his son was brilliant. Almost as good was the scene with Paulie at the meat packing plant. I actually felt tears in my eyes at different times during the film. It was hard to watch a chapter of American "history" close at the end. The only bad things about this movie were the poor character development with the non-standard players, and the terribly crappy camera work (especially during the fight.)

Rocky is an American icon created by Sylvester Stallone. He wrote the first movie and then became Rocky for all the world to embrace. With the exception of Rocky V they are all great movies, if not a bit typical. As a whole this is an instant classic and if you have ever liked a Rocky movie you will like this one. I took my wife who normally hates "guy" movies, and has never seen a Rocky movie, she loved it.

I highly recommend seeing this movie, especially since Stallone showed you can still make a great movie with a PG rating.

Airline Travel Update

So Delta sent me the $100 voucher even after I wrote them and said this was not anywhere close to adequate compensation for my time. Beyond the fact there is no response to that the voucher, which can only be redeemed by me(not transferable) and only in an airport (not online), has my name misspelled. A little research uncovered that it is actually worthless now unless someone out there has the same first name as me, and only two letters in my last name transposed. Odds are there isn't anyone out there. I called and had to leave a message on their 1-866 line, and have sent an e-mail inquiring on the status of my Plasma TV.

Democratic Presidential Candidates

I have been watching the various Democratic hopefuls position themselves. While this is going on I am sure everyone has been wanting my analysis of these folks.

John Edwards: Top Picture, has actually declared he is running. I watched him on HardBall the other day where he discussed his views on several issues. He sat on the Senate Armed Services and Intelligence Committees and had first hand info to a lot of the information before the Iraq war started.

Strength: John Edwards voted for the Iraq war but he actually makes no excuses and says it
was a bad decision on his part; I admire that. Educated and successful he made his own way in the world albeit as an ambulance chaser. Possibly the prettiest candidate running.


Weakness: His voting record is inconsistent, and he seems to vote party line or popular opinion. His current platform is that GWB sucks, lame.

Bottom Line: I view him as a salesman with little to offer as top Dawg. UPDATE, Mr. Edwards has declared his platform of greatest concern to be Universal health care over balancing the budget. I watched a debate with a liberal, conservative, and an independent and the liberal actually said "People will gladly pay more taxes if they know everyone will receive good health care." Of course everyone else in the room laughed him off the stage. It would be nice if people cared that much, but no one wants higher taxes.

Barack Obama: Bottom Left picture, still debating his run. Senator Obama is by far the largest anomaly on the board.

Strength: Rockstar appeal much needed by his party. He is young and idealistic and not yet immersed in his party's politics. Very young.

Weakness: Very young, no relevant experience in global politics. No experience at all to speak of, he has been a Senator for only two years. I don't know why he is so popular.

Bottom Line: I feel he is popular because he is young and black and these are not reasons anyone should be President. This guy or Joel Osteen may actually be the AntiChrist. UPDATE: Senator Obama has apparently admitted to being a crackhead in his teen years, stay tuned to see ho wplaying the honesty card works our for him.

Hillary Clinton: Bottom Left, still debating her run(yeah right.) Most popular, currently, for the extreme left-wingers.

Strength: Has lived in the White House and knows where all the bathrooms are.

Weakness: Everything. This woman is completely unqualified for the job. I fear Presidential PMS too, I have known a lot of women in my life and it has always played a major part in their lives, rarely is it a positive influence.

Bottom Line: She wouldn't even be considered if her husband hadn't been President. That should be enough right there to SCARE THE CRAP out of people.

John McCain will be the next President based on the current crew.

Christmas Funny

For My Democratic Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere . And without regard to the race, creed , color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher."

For My Republican Friends:



Merry Christmas , God bless and a Happy New Year

Merry Christmas!

I wish everyone a happy and blessed Christmas season.

If, for some reason, that offends you please find something else to worry about.

Evolution vs Creation

I received this link in an e-mail today. It's a pretty good read if you are curious to hear both sides of "the story."

Rosie vs "The Donald"

Wow, these two are ridiculous! I do have to say that Rosie certainly started it and asked for anything that comes her way now. The View has become the worst show ever with the ladies now only capable of slander and rude commentary against people who do not share their ideals. They have now taken over, from Oprah, as the show I dislike the most. I certainly wish they would use their influence and position to better the world instead of just talking bad about anyone who isn't a raging liberal. to be fair let's sort what was said:

"Left the first wife, had an affair, left the second wife, had an affair. Had kids both times, but he's the moral compass for 20-year-olds in America," O'Donnell said on Wednesday's View. "Donald, sit and spin, my friend."

She went on to discuss the Apprentice star's personal finances, claiming he went bankrupt—an assertion that he denies, as he has never personally filed for bankruptcy.

To clear it up you have affairs BEFORE you leave your wife, otherwise it is just called dating. Not that it's OK to have an affair, but I don't know that he did. Secondly plenty of families in America have "mixed" families by different sets of parents. A lesbian should be the last person complaining about this. Rosie needs a lesson from her accountants on how bankruptcy actually works for the wealthy and their corporations it doesn't mean they have no money and is often used to shelter assets from seizure. Lastly, her biggest mistake was the last sentence in the first paragraph. A personal attack and completely uncalled for. At that point I felt like anything Donald wanted to say was fine. Here are some of his statements:

"You can't make false statements," Trump said, per his publicist. "Rosie will rue the words she said. I'll most likely sue her for making those false statements—and it'll be fun. Rosie's a loser. A real loser. I look forward to taking lots of money from my nice fat little Rosie."

"Rosie O'Donnell is disgusting, both inside and out," he said. "You take a look at her, she's a slob. She talks like a truck driver."

"I loved it, I gloat over it, I think it's wonderful because I like to see bad people fail," he said. "Rosie failed, I'm happy about it."

"I believe Barbara made a terrible mistake putting her on, and I think Barbara's probably paying a big price," he said. "If I were running The View, I'd fire Rosie. I mean, I'd look her right in that fat ugly face of hers, I'd say, 'Rosie, you're fired.' "

Everything he said is true, but very mean. They should both can it, Trump before he's more hated and Rosie before he ruins her financially.

The View (stupid)

Joy Behar (pictured) has made a desperate attempt to appear as stupid as her co-host Rosie O'Donnell. You can read this article to see her liken Donald Rumsfeld to Adolf Hitler. Additionally, she goes on to say “I know what this, that party is capable of.” I am not defending Mr. Rumsfeld at all, nor am I defending the Republican party. I really just don't understand the point of view she expressed. This woman has two degrees, B.A. Sociology and M.A English Education, and is quite apparently a mean spirited moron. Certainly people are entitled to disagree but to compare someone to a genocidal madman is really uncalled for. It's also poor to assume that either party, democrat or republican, is wholly good or wholly evil.

Some people cannot see the forest for the trees so to speak.

Odd News

This article is something I cannot understand. The "dude" pictured above has been competing as a woman. I am cool with the fact you can't just look at some people and immediately tell if it's a chick or a dude, people can't help that. What bugs me is that no one in any locker room ever saw the "dude gear" when "she" was dressing or showering or whatever. I think that not only should this athlete be stripped of the medals, he/she should also be converted to the gender they masquerade as. Punishment like that would certainly lessen this occurrence.

Pit Bulls (and the like)

Pictured above from top to bottom are a Presa Canario, American Staffordshire Terrier, and an American Pit Bull Terrier.
First, let me say I do not ascribe to the belief that these dogs are people haters or people eaters or any of the absolutely crazy theories about how violent they are. I COMPLETELY believe they are terrible pets for most folks. Most people buy a dog and want it to just "get it." With a responsible firm owner these dogs can probably be fine, but there are few responsible pet owners out there. Not many people have the time it takes to correctly train a dog, and even more people are unwilling to correct and train a pup because of the overwhelming cuteness. The type of owner needed, especially by these breeds, is the the typical trailer trash, mullet wearing loser who needs to feel tough that you normally see with these animals. The majority of people I see owning these dogs are quite obviously compensating for something by owning a scary looking "fighting dog." These dogs ARE aggressive towards other animals they don't know, and once they decide to be aggressive or defend themselves that is where the problem lies. They do not simply ward off an attack, they finish their opponent completely. The people who love these breeds often say "You are more likely to be bitten by a cocker spaniel than any of these breeds." To which the obvious answer is, it does not matter if a cocker spaniel bites you. It nips your hand and leaves which is no big deal. These dogs tear your hand off or kill whatever provoked them; albeit not as often as the cocker might nip someone.
The real question about their aggressiveness is this Why do we never read about the Labrador, Golden Retriever, Brittany, Weimaraner, or (insert hundreds of breed names here) that mauled or killed someone? Why also are people selling these dogs to people who have no business owning a pet at all?

Advice Column

The Captain has decide to offer an advice column. I want to extend this offer to all of my current readers, and will be peppering it with examples I find on my own. Too many advice columns out there try way too hard to make sure you feel "normal" when you are a total freak who should be medicated.

To get things started I found this:

DEAR ANNIE: I am a 35-year-old woman with four children, an advanced degree and no serious health problems, but I have compulsively and secretly been eating crayons for months. I don't mean chewing on a crayon here and there. I mean eating an entire 64-count box, and doing it several times a week. I can't stop, and I don't know why I'm doing this.
I am too embarrassed to tell my doctor, because I know he'll think I am crazy. The box says the crayons are non-toxic, but I'm really eating a lot of them. And this is a really dumb question, but are they fattening? Why am I doing this? Am I crazy? Please help. -- Crayon Freak
DEAR CRAYON FREAK: WE HAVE NO IDEA HOW MANY CALORIES ARE IN A 64-COUNT BOX OF CRAYONS, BUT THAT'S THE LEAST OF YOUR WORRIES.
You may have pica, a disease that involves eating non-food substances (dirt is the most common). Pica is usually caused by a nutritional deficiency, often iron or zinc, and it can sometimes occur during pregnancy. There is apparently something about the contents or texture of crayons that you crave.
While crayons are considered non-toxic, they are not intended to be eaten, especially in such large quantities.
You are not crazy, but you do need to see your doctor and ask to be tested. Don't wait until you finish the next box.

Now, the actual response should have been:

Dear Crayon Freak:
You picked an excellent name for yourself as you are, indeed, a freak. Please stop stealing your children's things and eating them, it sets a bad example beyond the sheer lunacy. Do not worry about your doctor thinking you are crazy as he/she probably already knows you are a nut. As for the fattening question, simply look in the mirror. If you are getting fat, yes they are; if you were already fat then it doesn't matter. My bet is that you were already fat, which is fine, but don't blame the crayons or sue the company that made them. Please seek help immediately from both mental and physical health professionals as this behavior is crazy.

Sincerely,

Captain Dude


For all your advice needs, e-mail:
captn.dude@gmail.com